A few weeks ago I was voted into the "white" TV room. To refresh your memory, there are four TV rooms in my dorm, the white, the African American, the Hispanic, and the multi-use room. The white TV room is called such because the inmates do not watch BET, Univision, or Tedmundo in that room. There are non-whites in the white TV room, but there are no whites in the "black" or "Hispanic" TV rooms. I'm not sure why this is other than to quote a common axiom we have in prison that is, "try to remember you are in prison."
Prior to my prestigious election to the TV room, I had to sit with the peons and short-timers in the multi-use TV room. (The short-timers are ostracized because their sentences are so short that no one talks to them - not because they are rude or unfriendly, but it is hard to find someone that you like, and then they leave shortly thereafter, so the inmates figure better not to get to know them. But I digress) The multi-use room is also where dominoes is played. For some reason, and I can attribute this only to prison, but when playing dominoes, it is apparently essential to yell at your opponent while slamming down tiles. Actually, you can yell while not slamming down a tile, or slam down a tile and not yell, but most inmates prefer the double whammy, if you will. At any rate, the slamming of tiles and yelling occurs while other inmates are watching TV. One can probably guess that all the noise is a cause of friction for the inmates.
One should be aware that in order to watch TV in prison is quite different from just plopping oneself down on the couch and turning the television on. It is really quite different from a college dorm lounge as well. First, you need to have a radio to tune to the TV station's frequency to get sound. Second, you need headphones (otherwise, you might as well have it on mute). Unfortunately, the headphones don't help at all. Third, you are competing against noise from people who do not care if they are rude, and fourth, the guards do not care if there is confrontation about who is being too noise, so long as no fights break out. So, my "election" to the white TV room was a real boost to my prison experience.
How did I get elected? Well, I can only guess. I did participate in an emergency meeting of the white room TV guys at one point. The purpose of the meeting, from what I could tell, was to determine which shows would be played during the week. The weekends are reserved for the movies (more on that later). At that meeting, they group also voted two new guys into the room. From what I can tell, a guy who was leaving referred me to the leader of the white TV room. Then my name was passed around tot he other 10 guys. The purpose was to see if there were any strong objections. I guess there weren't. So, I was invited in. I did not realize there was a leader of the TV room, but shortly after the meeting he told me that I was "in." I said, "in what?" He said, "the TV room." He said I would be in the front, right under the TV. So, that was that.
I was now a member of the elite group of TV watchers. I do not think I have ever been voted into anything exclusive before. It was a bit of a thrill, to be honest. I must say, I have enjoyed the movies much more despite the fact that my neck gets a little crick in it.
One thing the TV room experience has shown me is that people are watching me and scrutinizing my attitude. The guys in the TV room do not want rude, selfish, and confrontational attitudes. They want to watch TV without disturbances. It is an organized way to keep the inmates happy over what to me seems to be a highly volatile issue of what people want to watch on TV. One thing I have tried to do is live in a way in which my actions would reflect who I am. I failed miserably at this many times and in many areas of my life. I'm hoping that demonstrating humility, respect, friendliness, and acceptance makes it obvious to the men around me that I'm a Christian. I want my lifestyle to be that of Christ. I hope that being voted into the TV room reflects, if only in a small way, that God is changing me to that end.
Jeff
Monday, December 10, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Community (#27)
Community
The author of a book that I read before I entered the prison camp wrote that you can never really have friends in prison. You may have many acquaintances, but not true friends. I believe his reason for making this assertion is that people in prison tend not to open up or be real or vulnerable with other inmates. In fact, I would be surprised if half of the details of the stories I hear are true. If people are not going to share about themselves honestly, then I would agree with that author, an inmate will never develop any true friendships. That, however, is true in prison and outside as well.
I have been asking myself if a person can be in “community” without having friends in that “community”? I suppose that could exist, but would it be a community in which you would want to belong? I think the prison community in which I am incarcerated suffers from this very issue. While I am fortunate to say I do have a couple of people in the church whom I would call friends, I think our community faces difficulty in reaching out to other inmates because we lack close friendships. After all, Jesus wants to be in relationship with people, and my church community here is not able to show what that looks like because we cannot even be in close relationship with each other. Granted, there are men in the church who do have friends, but the church as a whole seems to be bereft of the honest and authentic friendship that is required for spiritual growth.
Before I arrived at Taft, I explained to my wife what my goals would be during my time here (the book I read and other resources emphasized having goals for the time). My wife said that I should spend time with the men, be their friends, and show them the love of Christ. How does one do that in a place where showing hurt or fear is considered weak?
Maybe some of you go to churches and desire real fellowship and friendships, maybe you do not attend church, but want the same thing out of your relationships. I know finding a friend was my primary prayer request when I first arrived. I wanted to have someone to whom I could tell that I was sad, that I missed my family, to cry with about missing out on birthdays, holidays, and the little things that I took for granted. To me, sharing, praying, encouraging, supporting, and keeping me accountable are things that I expect friends to do and I want that. I asked a guy to pray with me every week in search of this. I did this on the outside as well, and it worked. I met with the guy for a couple of months. It did resolve some of my hopes and sharing and accountability, but I don’t think we have developed a friendship. I still pray with the guy and I know God is teaching me through this. But, I still wanted more. I wanted to laugh and talk about things we have in common. This was not working with my prayer partner. Something was missing.
About three or four months ago, a guy from the low level prison moved down to the camp. His name is Lalo. I started talking to him and we would walk around the track and chat. He asked me if I would help him with some classes he was taking. Over the course of a few weeks, we began talking regularly. The breakthrough in our becoming friends occurred when Lalo asked me one day to “be in his car.” This is one of those phrases unique to prison life (and perhaps I have explained this, but I’ll explain it again) that means you want to share a meal with someone. Although, it’s not just sitting and eating in the cafeteria (the give us 15 minutes to eat, so you don’t talk a lot), but being in someone’s car means that you prepare the meal together and eat together, outside of the cafeteria. This particular time, Lalo wanted me to join his “pasta car” and I did. Usually the driver of the car (the guy making the meal) dictates who is in the car, but if you know someone, it is okay to ask to be in the car.
I mention this because preparing and eating a meal with Lalo, and the conversation during this time was the reason we became friends. At that first meal, he showed me pictures of his family and friends. Pictures are about as personal as you get here, other than allowing someone to read your letters. I haven’t seen that happen yet (reading letters that is). I felt honored to be able to share in Lalo’s life like this. I have since shown Lalo pictures of my family as well, in fact, Lalo met my family during a visit once. Lalo works as the camp photographer. He takes pictures of inmates and their families during visits. It was during one of my family’s visits that I introduced my family to Lalo.
Lalo is not involved in our church. Yet Lalo is probably one of the 2 or 3 guys here about whom I could describe as a friend. We have since shared several cars and Lalo is showing me how to cook. Lalo does come to church sometimes with me. I’m hoping that through my friendship, a friendship that started through a meal, he will come to know Jesus as his Lord and Savior.
Jeff
The author of a book that I read before I entered the prison camp wrote that you can never really have friends in prison. You may have many acquaintances, but not true friends. I believe his reason for making this assertion is that people in prison tend not to open up or be real or vulnerable with other inmates. In fact, I would be surprised if half of the details of the stories I hear are true. If people are not going to share about themselves honestly, then I would agree with that author, an inmate will never develop any true friendships. That, however, is true in prison and outside as well.
I have been asking myself if a person can be in “community” without having friends in that “community”? I suppose that could exist, but would it be a community in which you would want to belong? I think the prison community in which I am incarcerated suffers from this very issue. While I am fortunate to say I do have a couple of people in the church whom I would call friends, I think our community faces difficulty in reaching out to other inmates because we lack close friendships. After all, Jesus wants to be in relationship with people, and my church community here is not able to show what that looks like because we cannot even be in close relationship with each other. Granted, there are men in the church who do have friends, but the church as a whole seems to be bereft of the honest and authentic friendship that is required for spiritual growth.
Before I arrived at Taft, I explained to my wife what my goals would be during my time here (the book I read and other resources emphasized having goals for the time). My wife said that I should spend time with the men, be their friends, and show them the love of Christ. How does one do that in a place where showing hurt or fear is considered weak?
Maybe some of you go to churches and desire real fellowship and friendships, maybe you do not attend church, but want the same thing out of your relationships. I know finding a friend was my primary prayer request when I first arrived. I wanted to have someone to whom I could tell that I was sad, that I missed my family, to cry with about missing out on birthdays, holidays, and the little things that I took for granted. To me, sharing, praying, encouraging, supporting, and keeping me accountable are things that I expect friends to do and I want that. I asked a guy to pray with me every week in search of this. I did this on the outside as well, and it worked. I met with the guy for a couple of months. It did resolve some of my hopes and sharing and accountability, but I don’t think we have developed a friendship. I still pray with the guy and I know God is teaching me through this. But, I still wanted more. I wanted to laugh and talk about things we have in common. This was not working with my prayer partner. Something was missing.
About three or four months ago, a guy from the low level prison moved down to the camp. His name is Lalo. I started talking to him and we would walk around the track and chat. He asked me if I would help him with some classes he was taking. Over the course of a few weeks, we began talking regularly. The breakthrough in our becoming friends occurred when Lalo asked me one day to “be in his car.” This is one of those phrases unique to prison life (and perhaps I have explained this, but I’ll explain it again) that means you want to share a meal with someone. Although, it’s not just sitting and eating in the cafeteria (the give us 15 minutes to eat, so you don’t talk a lot), but being in someone’s car means that you prepare the meal together and eat together, outside of the cafeteria. This particular time, Lalo wanted me to join his “pasta car” and I did. Usually the driver of the car (the guy making the meal) dictates who is in the car, but if you know someone, it is okay to ask to be in the car.
I mention this because preparing and eating a meal with Lalo, and the conversation during this time was the reason we became friends. At that first meal, he showed me pictures of his family and friends. Pictures are about as personal as you get here, other than allowing someone to read your letters. I haven’t seen that happen yet (reading letters that is). I felt honored to be able to share in Lalo’s life like this. I have since shown Lalo pictures of my family as well, in fact, Lalo met my family during a visit once. Lalo works as the camp photographer. He takes pictures of inmates and their families during visits. It was during one of my family’s visits that I introduced my family to Lalo.
Lalo is not involved in our church. Yet Lalo is probably one of the 2 or 3 guys here about whom I could describe as a friend. We have since shared several cars and Lalo is showing me how to cook. Lalo does come to church sometimes with me. I’m hoping that through my friendship, a friendship that started through a meal, he will come to know Jesus as his Lord and Savior.
Jeff
Monday, November 26, 2007
Nicknames (#26)
Sorry I haven't posted a blog entry for Jeff in almost a month. November has been a busy month, and Jeff has been preoccupied doing projects for his kids and wife. We traveled to CA for Thanksgiving, and the week was difficult because of the passing of my step-mother. I consider myself close to my step-brother Todd, who is similar to my age, and of course my dad. My heart was sad for them. It was a hard week for my whole family.
I don't know how many blogs Jeff will write over the course of the next month. This one is from about 3 weeks ago, and I have not received anything new from him recently. On to the blog.
I have a prison nickname. I am called Beckham by most of the inmates. In fact, few of them know my real name. Beckham is the name of an English soccer player who know plays for the LA Galaxy (US) and gets paid about $50 million per year to do so. He’s also married to Posh Spice. How did I get this nickname? It started about a month after I arrived in the Camp. I noticed some guys playing soccer, but I didn't play when I first arrived because I didn't have any shoes. It would be hard to play soccer with blue canvas shoes or steel toed boots. So, I finally got some tennis shoes around late May and as I was walking the track with a baseball cap on, I saw a guy from my dorm who was playing soccer. I asked him if I could play. So, there I was, the only white guy among 20 Latino guys. They were just about to pick teams, just like elementary school with 3 captains picking teams. Predictably I, with my baseball cap on and my glasses (so I can see) donned, was picked last.
Around this time, I weighted about 175 pounds. Not exactly fit, but better than when I arrived. Still, for soccer standards, I was out of shape. But, I played pretty well that first day. Because the guys with whom I was playing didn't know my name, they started calling me Beckham. After all, he is the only white soccer player they know. The nickname stuck and transcended to my dorm and other classes. In many respects I’m lucky because most of the nicknames given are not complimentary.
Most of the nicknames given here come from sports. How good (or bad) one is at a particular sport generally dictates the nickname, coupled with some physical attribute. One of the first guys I met is nicknamed “slow motion.” I didn't quite get that until I saw him play. He’s not very fast. It’s that obvious. Another older guy who plays soccer is nicknamed “pops.” I actually find myself calling him that too. My friend, Doug, got his nickname from his various features and activities. One should understand a little bit about Doug. He, like most guys who arrive, is a little overweight. He’s also an elder at the church here and a nice guy in general. He plays softball here, and the guys out there gave him the ironic nickname of “family guy.” This is from the television show, and the guy is irreverent is sarcastic. Doug is not.
Some other nicknames are gang names. I don’t know much about this culture or how they got these names. I asked a guy once how he got the nickname “gizmo” and he said he’s always had it, as if his parents called him that since birth because his birth name was too long or something. At the time, I didn't realize that this was a gang given name. I don’t know for sure, but I think these are some other gang names that I have come across: “weasel,” “bones,” and “rascal.” I can’t always tell a gang name from a regular nickname. There’s another guy they call “parrot.” I asked him how he got that name (I asked a lot of dumb questions when I first got here, and I guess the new guys can get away with it for a while). He told me he used to have a parrot. I have no idea what to make of that.
One of the better names is “machine gun.” This guy is a retired fire chief. Our media makes these guys look like heroes (which many of them are). However, our judicial system could care less. This guy is in for having an unregistered machine gun. So much for the 2nd amendment. This is strange because while a state may infringe on this right, this guy is in a Federal prison camp, so he must have violated federal law. I can’t figure out how, since the 2nd amendment applies to federal laws, and states that the right to bear arms will not be infringed. I digress, but it would appear that our government has a different copy of the Constitution than “machine gun” has. Anyway, his nickname is great.
Then there are nicknames that are sarcastic. They appear like a compliment but are not and are jokes about the person. There is a guy who was a mayor of a city. He condescends to just about everyone and acts as though he is above the whole system. I don’t think he realizes how he is viewed. Everyone calls him “mayor.” He probably thinks it’s a compliment, but it’s not.
Another guy here likes to tell people how they should work out. He thinks he’s totally built and he likes to flex his muscles in mirrors and anything that will provide a reflection (really, I’m not making this stuff up). He is called the “professor” and it’s not because he’s smart. He’s the professor of working out, but no one respects his help.
Older guys seem to get bad names. One guy would wander around and kill flies. He’s about 80 years old. We started calling him “death.” One reason for that was he killed a lot of flies, but also when he wears his dark jacket, he looks like the grim reaper. Another older guy is called “papa smurf.” I guess he doesn't mind so much, but he does look like papa smurf. It’s part of the culture.
For me, I hope that my nickname is positive aspect that allows me to relate cross culturally to the men here. I want to be able talk to these guys and be trusted by them, and I hope that my soccer skills will help. I always hoped that soccer would open doors for me to evangelize, but it didn't really turn out that way over the years. I hope that my nickname reflects an acceptance in the little soccer community here that allows me to be a witness to these men who I otherwise probably wouldn't know.
Jeff
I don't know how many blogs Jeff will write over the course of the next month. This one is from about 3 weeks ago, and I have not received anything new from him recently. On to the blog.
I have a prison nickname. I am called Beckham by most of the inmates. In fact, few of them know my real name. Beckham is the name of an English soccer player who know plays for the LA Galaxy (US) and gets paid about $50 million per year to do so. He’s also married to Posh Spice. How did I get this nickname? It started about a month after I arrived in the Camp. I noticed some guys playing soccer, but I didn't play when I first arrived because I didn't have any shoes. It would be hard to play soccer with blue canvas shoes or steel toed boots. So, I finally got some tennis shoes around late May and as I was walking the track with a baseball cap on, I saw a guy from my dorm who was playing soccer. I asked him if I could play. So, there I was, the only white guy among 20 Latino guys. They were just about to pick teams, just like elementary school with 3 captains picking teams. Predictably I, with my baseball cap on and my glasses (so I can see) donned, was picked last.
Around this time, I weighted about 175 pounds. Not exactly fit, but better than when I arrived. Still, for soccer standards, I was out of shape. But, I played pretty well that first day. Because the guys with whom I was playing didn't know my name, they started calling me Beckham. After all, he is the only white soccer player they know. The nickname stuck and transcended to my dorm and other classes. In many respects I’m lucky because most of the nicknames given are not complimentary.
Most of the nicknames given here come from sports. How good (or bad) one is at a particular sport generally dictates the nickname, coupled with some physical attribute. One of the first guys I met is nicknamed “slow motion.” I didn't quite get that until I saw him play. He’s not very fast. It’s that obvious. Another older guy who plays soccer is nicknamed “pops.” I actually find myself calling him that too. My friend, Doug, got his nickname from his various features and activities. One should understand a little bit about Doug. He, like most guys who arrive, is a little overweight. He’s also an elder at the church here and a nice guy in general. He plays softball here, and the guys out there gave him the ironic nickname of “family guy.” This is from the television show, and the guy is irreverent is sarcastic. Doug is not.
Some other nicknames are gang names. I don’t know much about this culture or how they got these names. I asked a guy once how he got the nickname “gizmo” and he said he’s always had it, as if his parents called him that since birth because his birth name was too long or something. At the time, I didn't realize that this was a gang given name. I don’t know for sure, but I think these are some other gang names that I have come across: “weasel,” “bones,” and “rascal.” I can’t always tell a gang name from a regular nickname. There’s another guy they call “parrot.” I asked him how he got that name (I asked a lot of dumb questions when I first got here, and I guess the new guys can get away with it for a while). He told me he used to have a parrot. I have no idea what to make of that.
One of the better names is “machine gun.” This guy is a retired fire chief. Our media makes these guys look like heroes (which many of them are). However, our judicial system could care less. This guy is in for having an unregistered machine gun. So much for the 2nd amendment. This is strange because while a state may infringe on this right, this guy is in a Federal prison camp, so he must have violated federal law. I can’t figure out how, since the 2nd amendment applies to federal laws, and states that the right to bear arms will not be infringed. I digress, but it would appear that our government has a different copy of the Constitution than “machine gun” has. Anyway, his nickname is great.
Then there are nicknames that are sarcastic. They appear like a compliment but are not and are jokes about the person. There is a guy who was a mayor of a city. He condescends to just about everyone and acts as though he is above the whole system. I don’t think he realizes how he is viewed. Everyone calls him “mayor.” He probably thinks it’s a compliment, but it’s not.
Another guy here likes to tell people how they should work out. He thinks he’s totally built and he likes to flex his muscles in mirrors and anything that will provide a reflection (really, I’m not making this stuff up). He is called the “professor” and it’s not because he’s smart. He’s the professor of working out, but no one respects his help.
Older guys seem to get bad names. One guy would wander around and kill flies. He’s about 80 years old. We started calling him “death.” One reason for that was he killed a lot of flies, but also when he wears his dark jacket, he looks like the grim reaper. Another older guy is called “papa smurf.” I guess he doesn't mind so much, but he does look like papa smurf. It’s part of the culture.
For me, I hope that my nickname is positive aspect that allows me to relate cross culturally to the men here. I want to be able talk to these guys and be trusted by them, and I hope that my soccer skills will help. I always hoped that soccer would open doors for me to evangelize, but it didn't really turn out that way over the years. I hope that my nickname reflects an acceptance in the little soccer community here that allows me to be a witness to these men who I otherwise probably wouldn't know.
Jeff
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Comments (#25)
Jeff has asked what kind of blogs his friends find the most interesting. If you could leave comments on this blog about which blogs you enjoyed most, or what you would like to read about Jeff in forthcoming blogs, he would appreciate it. He is not even sure who is reading. I'm not either, to be honest. I just post them.
I will copy the comments and send them to Jeff in a letter next week. Also, if you haven't written Jeff in a while, I would ask that you do. This will be his first Thanksgiving and Christmas away from his wife and kids. He could use all the letters, prayers, and encouragement he can get.
Thanks,
Scott
I will copy the comments and send them to Jeff in a letter next week. Also, if you haven't written Jeff in a while, I would ask that you do. This will be his first Thanksgiving and Christmas away from his wife and kids. He could use all the letters, prayers, and encouragement he can get.
Thanks,
Scott
Quarterly Update (#24)
Quarterly Update
October 13th marked my 6 month milestone at the Taft Federal Prison Camp. I will say that the last three months went by more quickly and more easily than the first three months. The first three months I would have say were highlighted by the soccer league and the exercise class of which I was a part. I lost about 20 pounds during the first three months.
Soccer ended in the middle of August and I re-injured my ankle in the last game. I had injured my ankle around Father’s Day, and then let it heal a bit before playing about 6 more games before injuring it again. At least it was the last game and I was able to rest. I wasn’t too concerned since the next league doesn’t start until mid-November. I’m not 100% yet, but I should be able to play when the league starts. That’s a nice distraction from the tedium of life here.
I started another 12 week exercise class in mid-September. This class has helped me lose another 5 pounds. I’m also able to do sit-ups, push-ups, and pull-ups at a rate I’ve never been able to do before. The class is very difficult. I actually puked after one class. Perhaps that will give you an idea of how this classes pushes our bodies to the limit. I would never challenge myself to this degree if working out on my own. The leader of the class is an ex-special forces guy. He designs cards (a piece of cardboard) with various exercises on them. He also names the cards. One card is named “Death.” It isn’t fun. A few other card names are “Hell,” “Pain,” and “Dirt Diver.” The objective of dirt diver is to leave the participant face down in the dirt after the workout. You know that you have arrived when you dip for a push-up and you can’t get back up. Just as an aside, I’m not the first or the last person to have lost their previous meal during one of these workouts.
The benefit to all of this working out is that I can now run 3 miles in about 22 minutes. I haven’t done that in years. I hope to get to a fitness point to what I was doing in college. That would be 4 miles in 30 minutes. I also hope to lose another 5 – 10 pounds and add more muscle.
With the onset of Fall, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by a better selection and the new Fall television shows. Each weekend we have 6 movies, 2 each night from Friday to Sunday. Friday night is usually the best movie and a new release. I did not watch many movies in the late Spring and Summer because not much comes out on DVD from late May through August. Finally, in Sept. we started seeing some better movies come to Taft. A good movie can really help your disposition. The new TV shows have provided a minor distraction during the week. I watch a show called “Chuck” on Monday nights. It makes me laugh. Laughs are not easy to find here. College and pro football have made it easier to get through Sat. and Sun. So, all in all, the days go by much more quickly than they used to during my first three months here. Of course, I still miss my family very much.
I started my marketing and advertising courses through Ohio U. in the past quarter. I probably started them right around the beginning of my second quarter here, in mid-July. The classes have helped fill time, but more importantly, have helped me prepare for my release. Most of what I will need to learn to be successful upon release I will have to learn and pay for on my own like these Ohio U. classes. As a side note, I have not taken a class at Taft that was taught by a staff person. So far, all of the classes offered here have been taught by other inmates. The slogan for the company that manages our camp is “Preparing offenders for reentry.” I find this ironic since the staff here hasn’t done one thing to prepare me for anything. Well, I should clarify, they have forced me to make my bed every morning by 8 am, so that is something that I can use upon release.
The other nice change these last 3 months has been the arrival of a good friend named Doug. We hit it off quickly. He’s a Christian guy who is doing a lot in the church here. It’s helpful to have someone with whom you can laugh or pray. We walk the track together a few nights a week and just share what’s on our minds. It’s nice to be able to trust someone here, and he has been an answer to prayer.
During the past three months I have missed my oldest son, Connor’s, birthday. That was more difficult than I thought it would be. I try to stay connected with him by including a drawing, activity sheet, or magazine picture for him with every letter I write home (that’s 3 a week). I think it works to some extent, but he told me during a visit after his birthday that he didn’t want anymore birthdays until I come home. That broke my heart. If also goes well, I should be able to be at home just in time for his 7th birthday.
I also missed my 7-year anniversary. I am thankful that I have an anniversary to miss. My wife is so supportive and dedicated to me. I’m lucky to have her and God has truly blessed me with Laura. It’s difficult to show love to your family in prison. One of the few ways is simply writing her. I do that as much as I can. I look forward to actually writing her because I know in a small way we are connecting and that our love and friendship is growing even during this separation.
The next three months will probably be the most difficult 3 months I will spend here. Please pray for me and my family as we go through the Holidays apart.
Jeff
October 13th marked my 6 month milestone at the Taft Federal Prison Camp. I will say that the last three months went by more quickly and more easily than the first three months. The first three months I would have say were highlighted by the soccer league and the exercise class of which I was a part. I lost about 20 pounds during the first three months.
Soccer ended in the middle of August and I re-injured my ankle in the last game. I had injured my ankle around Father’s Day, and then let it heal a bit before playing about 6 more games before injuring it again. At least it was the last game and I was able to rest. I wasn’t too concerned since the next league doesn’t start until mid-November. I’m not 100% yet, but I should be able to play when the league starts. That’s a nice distraction from the tedium of life here.
I started another 12 week exercise class in mid-September. This class has helped me lose another 5 pounds. I’m also able to do sit-ups, push-ups, and pull-ups at a rate I’ve never been able to do before. The class is very difficult. I actually puked after one class. Perhaps that will give you an idea of how this classes pushes our bodies to the limit. I would never challenge myself to this degree if working out on my own. The leader of the class is an ex-special forces guy. He designs cards (a piece of cardboard) with various exercises on them. He also names the cards. One card is named “Death.” It isn’t fun. A few other card names are “Hell,” “Pain,” and “Dirt Diver.” The objective of dirt diver is to leave the participant face down in the dirt after the workout. You know that you have arrived when you dip for a push-up and you can’t get back up. Just as an aside, I’m not the first or the last person to have lost their previous meal during one of these workouts.
The benefit to all of this working out is that I can now run 3 miles in about 22 minutes. I haven’t done that in years. I hope to get to a fitness point to what I was doing in college. That would be 4 miles in 30 minutes. I also hope to lose another 5 – 10 pounds and add more muscle.
With the onset of Fall, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by a better selection and the new Fall television shows. Each weekend we have 6 movies, 2 each night from Friday to Sunday. Friday night is usually the best movie and a new release. I did not watch many movies in the late Spring and Summer because not much comes out on DVD from late May through August. Finally, in Sept. we started seeing some better movies come to Taft. A good movie can really help your disposition. The new TV shows have provided a minor distraction during the week. I watch a show called “Chuck” on Monday nights. It makes me laugh. Laughs are not easy to find here. College and pro football have made it easier to get through Sat. and Sun. So, all in all, the days go by much more quickly than they used to during my first three months here. Of course, I still miss my family very much.
I started my marketing and advertising courses through Ohio U. in the past quarter. I probably started them right around the beginning of my second quarter here, in mid-July. The classes have helped fill time, but more importantly, have helped me prepare for my release. Most of what I will need to learn to be successful upon release I will have to learn and pay for on my own like these Ohio U. classes. As a side note, I have not taken a class at Taft that was taught by a staff person. So far, all of the classes offered here have been taught by other inmates. The slogan for the company that manages our camp is “Preparing offenders for reentry.” I find this ironic since the staff here hasn’t done one thing to prepare me for anything. Well, I should clarify, they have forced me to make my bed every morning by 8 am, so that is something that I can use upon release.
The other nice change these last 3 months has been the arrival of a good friend named Doug. We hit it off quickly. He’s a Christian guy who is doing a lot in the church here. It’s helpful to have someone with whom you can laugh or pray. We walk the track together a few nights a week and just share what’s on our minds. It’s nice to be able to trust someone here, and he has been an answer to prayer.
During the past three months I have missed my oldest son, Connor’s, birthday. That was more difficult than I thought it would be. I try to stay connected with him by including a drawing, activity sheet, or magazine picture for him with every letter I write home (that’s 3 a week). I think it works to some extent, but he told me during a visit after his birthday that he didn’t want anymore birthdays until I come home. That broke my heart. If also goes well, I should be able to be at home just in time for his 7th birthday.
I also missed my 7-year anniversary. I am thankful that I have an anniversary to miss. My wife is so supportive and dedicated to me. I’m lucky to have her and God has truly blessed me with Laura. It’s difficult to show love to your family in prison. One of the few ways is simply writing her. I do that as much as I can. I look forward to actually writing her because I know in a small way we are connecting and that our love and friendship is growing even during this separation.
The next three months will probably be the most difficult 3 months I will spend here. Please pray for me and my family as we go through the Holidays apart.
Jeff
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Serving God (#23)
I’m sure we’ve all heard the phrase “serve God where you are.” While it’s a great phrase, it doesn’t do much for me in a practical sense. How do you serve God where you work? I really don’t have the answer to that. My hope is that maybe through some shared experiences we can gain insight from each other.
A friend of mine sent me a letter recently. My friend is a teacher. She just started school where she was teaching a new grade and was given some challenging kids. She was stuck. The principal was not going to change. Oddly, her situation is similar to what how many inmates feel about prison. Someone else decides with whom you will live and creates a bunch of ambiguous and whimsical rules that seemingly are only there to annoy the inmates. (One of my favorite rules here is that we are only allowed to put “soiled” clothing in our laundry bags. Who would put clean clothes in there, who cares what kind of clothes we put in there, and who checks to make sure all the clothes are soiled?) My friend’s response to the arbitrary rules she faces is a great lesson about serving God where you are. She believes that God's purpose for her situation is to love the kids, teach them, and show them Christ.
I think this is what being a Christian is about, showing a bit of Christ wherever we are. Love people and show them who Christ is. Obviously, this is easier said that done. The perception of prison is that we all have done something wrong, so we deserve this punishment. I agree with this. Nobody here is innocent, at least not in a moral sense. The truth is God has decided that prison is where I should be with all its ridiculous rules and very little I can do to change things. And just like my friend in her situation where the principal is unyielding, I can either accept my situation and love the people here, or rebel and be angry about the injustice of it all. Unfortunately, I sometimes do both, but I’m slowly beginning to let go of the frustrations and anger and starting to look for and see where God is working here. This is me being a spiritual warrior or super-Christian. God broke me despite my stubbornness. It wasn’t hard, everyone here is hurting, and it’s clear that these people want someone to love them. So, as I began to yield to God, I was able to see where I could serve God here much more easily and that God has a purpose here for me. I have befriended a few non-believers here, some from soccer and another through tutoring. The last time I had almost an equal number of Christian and non-Christian friends was probably in college. As my teacher friend wrote about loving the kids, I too feel that God has called me to love these men. This is not where I want to be. But it is where God has me and I want to serve him.
So, if you are in a job that you hate, you might want to consider a different perspective. Why does God have you there? Think about the people around you. Who around you needs Christ’s love? I don’t think God wants us to evangelize everyone, but if you are honest with God and willing to submit yourself to him, I do believe that He will put in on your heart why he has you where you are and show you those whom you should seek to help.
Jeff
A friend of mine sent me a letter recently. My friend is a teacher. She just started school where she was teaching a new grade and was given some challenging kids. She was stuck. The principal was not going to change. Oddly, her situation is similar to what how many inmates feel about prison. Someone else decides with whom you will live and creates a bunch of ambiguous and whimsical rules that seemingly are only there to annoy the inmates. (One of my favorite rules here is that we are only allowed to put “soiled” clothing in our laundry bags. Who would put clean clothes in there, who cares what kind of clothes we put in there, and who checks to make sure all the clothes are soiled?) My friend’s response to the arbitrary rules she faces is a great lesson about serving God where you are. She believes that God's purpose for her situation is to love the kids, teach them, and show them Christ.
I think this is what being a Christian is about, showing a bit of Christ wherever we are. Love people and show them who Christ is. Obviously, this is easier said that done. The perception of prison is that we all have done something wrong, so we deserve this punishment. I agree with this. Nobody here is innocent, at least not in a moral sense. The truth is God has decided that prison is where I should be with all its ridiculous rules and very little I can do to change things. And just like my friend in her situation where the principal is unyielding, I can either accept my situation and love the people here, or rebel and be angry about the injustice of it all. Unfortunately, I sometimes do both, but I’m slowly beginning to let go of the frustrations and anger and starting to look for and see where God is working here. This is me being a spiritual warrior or super-Christian. God broke me despite my stubbornness. It wasn’t hard, everyone here is hurting, and it’s clear that these people want someone to love them. So, as I began to yield to God, I was able to see where I could serve God here much more easily and that God has a purpose here for me. I have befriended a few non-believers here, some from soccer and another through tutoring. The last time I had almost an equal number of Christian and non-Christian friends was probably in college. As my teacher friend wrote about loving the kids, I too feel that God has called me to love these men. This is not where I want to be. But it is where God has me and I want to serve him.
So, if you are in a job that you hate, you might want to consider a different perspective. Why does God have you there? Think about the people around you. Who around you needs Christ’s love? I don’t think God wants us to evangelize everyone, but if you are honest with God and willing to submit yourself to him, I do believe that He will put in on your heart why he has you where you are and show you those whom you should seek to help.
Jeff
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Tithing (#22)
A guy I know approached me with a question about tithing. He had talked to a friend who had told him that he should tithe 10% to a church. This friend also told him that he should just trust the church in how it used the money. He was confused. As he relayed this story to me, he felt angry that the church wanted this money when he was giving to organizations that helped starving kids in Africa. The question this guy asked was whether it was wrong for him to tithe outside of church. Maybe you have had someone ask you a similar question or have been thinking about tithing. What makes this situation strange is that the guy who was asking me about this is not a Christian and was asking about tithing in prison.
My current job in prison is to check out recreation equipment to other inmates. It’s very similar to the job I had at the YMCA when I was 17. However, as an inmate, I get paid about $0.36 per hour. This non-Christian acquaintance works in the kitchen in the mornings. He puts milk in the milk dispensers. He gets paid the same amount that I do, which, for the record, is about $13 per month. Yet, he is seriously asking me about tithing 10% of this. Perhaps in prison is the best place to figure this out. I don’t know, but he sure was serious about getting an answer.
When I was on the “outside” I used to take my pay and roughly allocate it 10% to tithing. If I budgeted well, I could pay my mortgage, buy food, pay off the cars and have some savings and entertainment money. If I did that same calculation in prison (I have no mortgage, and a very limited need for money for food) I would need to borrow money just to make phone calls and pay for postage to send letters to family and friends. Never mind the occasional soda, shoes, and various things like paper, pencils, and toiletries I have to purchase. In fact, $13 would barely cover my toiletries for the month. Many inmates do not have a source of income from the “outside” to help them pay for phone calls, etc. They are dependent on friends and family (as I am) to send us extra money. My extra money goes to for phone calls and writing. I estimate that I spend $50 per month on keeping in touch with my family and friends. It’s about the best $50 I can spend in this place. But, my view of tithing has changed because of this 6 months I have been in prison.
Tithing in prison is, well, a violation of the rules of the bureau of prisons. You are not permitted to give anything of value to another inmate. This extends to families so having my wife send money to another inmate’s wife to give to her inmate husband is a violation of the rules. This does happen, but if caught, it will get one a trip to the “hole,” the segregated housing unit and other disciplinary actions. You may ask, “what?” The purpose is to prevent extortion, a legitimate concern in prison. Of course, extortion is very limited if it exists at all at a prison camp. But, guys do make bets and lose and need money to pay off the debt. My church here thought we had found a way around this rule. We created a tithing box administered by the chaplain. The box was locked, and only the chapel clerks (4 inmates) and the chaplain could get into the box. The rationale was that inmates were giving to the chaplain and the chaplain was giving the stuff to inmates. It was totally anonymous, to prevent extortion. However, the prison admin stopped the tithing box practice. The reality is that we still tithe. We just do so within our dorms. It’s a violation of the rules, but most of the guards don’t mind a guy giving a toothbrush, deodorant, a pencil, etc away to other inmates, which the Christians here like to do.
This may sound very giving and spiritual. But, there’s a problem. The non-Christians do a better job at it than the Christians do. Many guys come in and by the end of their second day they have shorts, running shoes, and sometimes radios. It took me four days to get underwear, pants, and a t-shirt. I had 1 set of clothes for 95 hours. I did get shower sandals and a soap dish from the tithe box. This was before the prison removed the box. The non-Christians, for the most part, give the stuff to get things in return, like favors (job assignments, bunks, etc), food, and various other amenities., and so they don’t generally give unconditionally, but sometimes they do, especially with little things like a toothbrush. I try to make sure new people have stuff, but generally, I don’t feel so bad for most of the guys. As far as getting stuff is concerned, most come in much better off than I was.
I try to take a certain approach with the new people rather than just giving them stuff. Most of these men have been torn away from their families, sometimes with little notice of when they need to report. They are alone in a mass of strange people and mannerisms. It’s a surreal experience, and one is really no more than an object, not a person. The staff generally view all criminals alike, as murderers. I have yet to meet a murderer in the camp, and murders, unless one tries to kill a government official is not a federal crime, but a state crime. So, they wouldn’t be in federal prison anyway. At any rate, the guards lump all the men together regardless of crime, race, or any other differentiation factor. Now you are just a felon. The other inmates don’t care either. You are just a new guy with blue canvas shoes and a t-shirt that doesn’t fit. If you are lucky, a Bunkie will help you out, but they may not become a friend. I’ve read that you can never really have a friend in prison (and perhaps you don’t want to make friends, I don’t know), and for the most part, this is true. But, I am finding that it is not always the case. Granted, most guys I meet, I probably wont’ talk to again (there are a lot of people here, and they are always changing). However, I believe this is because no one takes the risk to truly become a friend in the first place. I would like to change that perception.
The first thing I offer to new people is something like socks. I make sure to mention that there are no strings attached. As I said, many guys give conditionally, they say that there are no strings attached only to come back a few weeks later asking for something. I also try to introduce the new inmates to the people I already know. I don’t care where you are, if someone remembers your name the next day after you meet them, you feel like a person, not just chattel. I want the new people to get connected as quickly as possible. I view the giving away of socks as a tithe. I think it has a more personal affect than getting socks out of a tithing box. I want the new people to know that other inmates care, but I do want to new people to know who we are. They need to know that they can go to someone if they have a need. I think that is the beginning of outreach.
To go back to the guy who came to me with the question about tithing, we can see that I did not tithe to a church, or for the pastor to get a salary or whatever. My answer to the guy has nothing to do, however, with how the church will spend the money. Rather, my issue is that I want to see the affect of the tithe, what is it doing to build God’s kingdom. I enjoy seeing how God uses what we give back to him. I’m finding that watching how God uses what I offer him and seeing the impact on others is a very rewarding spiritual experience.
There is a passage in Luke 16 that mirrors what I’m saying about tithing (or giving). The passage is a parable, a difficult one at that. However, don’t get bogged down by it. The explanation appears to be summed up in verse 9 – Jesus saying, “I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.” Note what it doesn’t say – there is nothing about saving for retirement, a bigger home, your kids’ education, etc. No, it’s about using wealth to build something eternal, that is, relationships. Jesus says use wealth to build the kingdom God, and you will be welcomed in heaven. Why should we spend our money on others rather than ourselves, well, verse 13 says because you cannot love both God and money.
Jeff
My current job in prison is to check out recreation equipment to other inmates. It’s very similar to the job I had at the YMCA when I was 17. However, as an inmate, I get paid about $0.36 per hour. This non-Christian acquaintance works in the kitchen in the mornings. He puts milk in the milk dispensers. He gets paid the same amount that I do, which, for the record, is about $13 per month. Yet, he is seriously asking me about tithing 10% of this. Perhaps in prison is the best place to figure this out. I don’t know, but he sure was serious about getting an answer.
When I was on the “outside” I used to take my pay and roughly allocate it 10% to tithing. If I budgeted well, I could pay my mortgage, buy food, pay off the cars and have some savings and entertainment money. If I did that same calculation in prison (I have no mortgage, and a very limited need for money for food) I would need to borrow money just to make phone calls and pay for postage to send letters to family and friends. Never mind the occasional soda, shoes, and various things like paper, pencils, and toiletries I have to purchase. In fact, $13 would barely cover my toiletries for the month. Many inmates do not have a source of income from the “outside” to help them pay for phone calls, etc. They are dependent on friends and family (as I am) to send us extra money. My extra money goes to for phone calls and writing. I estimate that I spend $50 per month on keeping in touch with my family and friends. It’s about the best $50 I can spend in this place. But, my view of tithing has changed because of this 6 months I have been in prison.
Tithing in prison is, well, a violation of the rules of the bureau of prisons. You are not permitted to give anything of value to another inmate. This extends to families so having my wife send money to another inmate’s wife to give to her inmate husband is a violation of the rules. This does happen, but if caught, it will get one a trip to the “hole,” the segregated housing unit and other disciplinary actions. You may ask, “what?” The purpose is to prevent extortion, a legitimate concern in prison. Of course, extortion is very limited if it exists at all at a prison camp. But, guys do make bets and lose and need money to pay off the debt. My church here thought we had found a way around this rule. We created a tithing box administered by the chaplain. The box was locked, and only the chapel clerks (4 inmates) and the chaplain could get into the box. The rationale was that inmates were giving to the chaplain and the chaplain was giving the stuff to inmates. It was totally anonymous, to prevent extortion. However, the prison admin stopped the tithing box practice. The reality is that we still tithe. We just do so within our dorms. It’s a violation of the rules, but most of the guards don’t mind a guy giving a toothbrush, deodorant, a pencil, etc away to other inmates, which the Christians here like to do.
This may sound very giving and spiritual. But, there’s a problem. The non-Christians do a better job at it than the Christians do. Many guys come in and by the end of their second day they have shorts, running shoes, and sometimes radios. It took me four days to get underwear, pants, and a t-shirt. I had 1 set of clothes for 95 hours. I did get shower sandals and a soap dish from the tithe box. This was before the prison removed the box. The non-Christians, for the most part, give the stuff to get things in return, like favors (job assignments, bunks, etc), food, and various other amenities., and so they don’t generally give unconditionally, but sometimes they do, especially with little things like a toothbrush. I try to make sure new people have stuff, but generally, I don’t feel so bad for most of the guys. As far as getting stuff is concerned, most come in much better off than I was.
I try to take a certain approach with the new people rather than just giving them stuff. Most of these men have been torn away from their families, sometimes with little notice of when they need to report. They are alone in a mass of strange people and mannerisms. It’s a surreal experience, and one is really no more than an object, not a person. The staff generally view all criminals alike, as murderers. I have yet to meet a murderer in the camp, and murders, unless one tries to kill a government official is not a federal crime, but a state crime. So, they wouldn’t be in federal prison anyway. At any rate, the guards lump all the men together regardless of crime, race, or any other differentiation factor. Now you are just a felon. The other inmates don’t care either. You are just a new guy with blue canvas shoes and a t-shirt that doesn’t fit. If you are lucky, a Bunkie will help you out, but they may not become a friend. I’ve read that you can never really have a friend in prison (and perhaps you don’t want to make friends, I don’t know), and for the most part, this is true. But, I am finding that it is not always the case. Granted, most guys I meet, I probably wont’ talk to again (there are a lot of people here, and they are always changing). However, I believe this is because no one takes the risk to truly become a friend in the first place. I would like to change that perception.
The first thing I offer to new people is something like socks. I make sure to mention that there are no strings attached. As I said, many guys give conditionally, they say that there are no strings attached only to come back a few weeks later asking for something. I also try to introduce the new inmates to the people I already know. I don’t care where you are, if someone remembers your name the next day after you meet them, you feel like a person, not just chattel. I want the new people to get connected as quickly as possible. I view the giving away of socks as a tithe. I think it has a more personal affect than getting socks out of a tithing box. I want the new people to know that other inmates care, but I do want to new people to know who we are. They need to know that they can go to someone if they have a need. I think that is the beginning of outreach.
To go back to the guy who came to me with the question about tithing, we can see that I did not tithe to a church, or for the pastor to get a salary or whatever. My answer to the guy has nothing to do, however, with how the church will spend the money. Rather, my issue is that I want to see the affect of the tithe, what is it doing to build God’s kingdom. I enjoy seeing how God uses what we give back to him. I’m finding that watching how God uses what I offer him and seeing the impact on others is a very rewarding spiritual experience.
There is a passage in Luke 16 that mirrors what I’m saying about tithing (or giving). The passage is a parable, a difficult one at that. However, don’t get bogged down by it. The explanation appears to be summed up in verse 9 – Jesus saying, “I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.” Note what it doesn’t say – there is nothing about saving for retirement, a bigger home, your kids’ education, etc. No, it’s about using wealth to build something eternal, that is, relationships. Jesus says use wealth to build the kingdom God, and you will be welcomed in heaven. Why should we spend our money on others rather than ourselves, well, verse 13 says because you cannot love both God and money.
Jeff
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Mother Teresa (#21)
Recently Time magazine had an article about Mother Teresa (I couldn't find the link - Scott). The article commented on numerous letters that Mother Teresa wrote in which she says she does not feel the presence of God. Of course, this makes for much anti-God sentiment. Despite the fact that I immensely dislike Time magazine, the article was not too one-sided. However, I found the most relevant and truthful information on the last page. It was on the last page that I read about how all Christians have experienced doubt and as a result, questioned God's presence. It's during those times that we see how to respond to God. As Mother Teresa wrote, "If this brings you glory - if souls are brought to you - with joy I accept all to the end of my life."
Oddly, Mother Teresa's situation is not unlike how many Christians in prions feel every day. while my time served will be 28-29 months, I do know how feels to be in the dark. Our pastor here, Mike Savage, spoke on spiritual winters (which I wrote about before). Mike was in prison for 16 years. I know he went years without feeling God's presence. However, like Mother Teresa, he continued to minister to the lost men he encountered daily. He lived with them, ate with them, socialized with them, and in some cases, helped them come to know Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord.
Prison, of course, is not like the streets of India. WE have food and a place to sleep. In some prisons you may encounter violence, but not in a camp. Nonetheless, it is a place where many men come without hope. For those of us who know the Lord, we are asked to share that hope, to accept all with joy if souls are added to the kingdom. I pray every morning the simplest of prayers: Jesus, I'm here to serve you. I don't always feel Jesus next to me, or close to me. I get angry and the injustice of this place and I grieve deeply over not being with my family. However, I continue to trust and to serve because this is where God has me.
There is one aspect of Mother Teresa's life that this article largely overlooks. It ignores the impact that Mother Teresa had on other people's lives. There is one part in the article where a reporter goes to India to do a story on Mother Teresa. He later accepts Christ. I think he experienced God's love through Mother Teresa. I'm sure that there are many people who have experienced God's love, mercy, kindness, and grace through Mother Teresa.
I know that here at Taft there are a number of men who have felt and experienced God's love because of a Christian who was simply obeying God. I hope that when I leave, regardless of how dark the time may have been for me, that Jesus says, "well done my faithful servant."
Jeff
Oddly, Mother Teresa's situation is not unlike how many Christians in prions feel every day. while my time served will be 28-29 months, I do know how feels to be in the dark. Our pastor here, Mike Savage, spoke on spiritual winters (which I wrote about before). Mike was in prison for 16 years. I know he went years without feeling God's presence. However, like Mother Teresa, he continued to minister to the lost men he encountered daily. He lived with them, ate with them, socialized with them, and in some cases, helped them come to know Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord.
Prison, of course, is not like the streets of India. WE have food and a place to sleep. In some prisons you may encounter violence, but not in a camp. Nonetheless, it is a place where many men come without hope. For those of us who know the Lord, we are asked to share that hope, to accept all with joy if souls are added to the kingdom. I pray every morning the simplest of prayers: Jesus, I'm here to serve you. I don't always feel Jesus next to me, or close to me. I get angry and the injustice of this place and I grieve deeply over not being with my family. However, I continue to trust and to serve because this is where God has me.
There is one aspect of Mother Teresa's life that this article largely overlooks. It ignores the impact that Mother Teresa had on other people's lives. There is one part in the article where a reporter goes to India to do a story on Mother Teresa. He later accepts Christ. I think he experienced God's love through Mother Teresa. I'm sure that there are many people who have experienced God's love, mercy, kindness, and grace through Mother Teresa.
I know that here at Taft there are a number of men who have felt and experienced God's love because of a Christian who was simply obeying God. I hope that when I leave, regardless of how dark the time may have been for me, that Jesus says, "well done my faithful servant."
Jeff
Monday, October 8, 2007
A Typical Day - Part 1 (#20)
In one of my earliest blogs I described the camp. I thought I would share about a typical day in the camp as it is very different from my life before entering the camp.
I wake up around 6 am every day (weekends included). I know it is 6 am because about 10 different watch alarms beep in the various cubicles that surround me. I get out of bed and get ready for work. Unlike work on the outside, I don't take a shower before my job. I do, however, put on pants and boots as required by the staff. I also make my bed before I go to work, which I'm sure will become a habit I can't stop when I'm released. I know my wife will appreciate that. I then proceed to my job. At the moment, my job is checking out recreation equipment to other inmates. I work from 6:30 to 9 am. Usually I am relieved by the guy who works after me by 8 am. It's a good job mainly because I write a letter during that time. Most jobs would not avail me the opportunity to write or read while working. So, this job is good for that. It would be a lot like emailing at a regular job, but I only get paid $.12 and hour and I only work for 1 1/2 hours a day.
After work I exercise. Sometimes this is walking the track and sometimes I'm doing an exercise class. I usually walk after the class no matter what. This walking time is also my prayer time. I enjoy this time to think and pray about my family and friends. This helps me stay focused on God in spite of the monotony of prison life. At about 9:45 am I will shower and get ready for lunch. We get counted at 10:30. This is a standing count. For some odd reason they make all inmates stand while they count us. Believe me when I say this requirement does nothing to improve the guards' ability to count. The first day I arrived I was with 2 other guys in a sound proof cell waiting to get placed in the camp. It was 4 pm, the other standing count during the day, and the guards were yelling at us to stand. Of course, being our first day and being in a sound proof cell, we had no idea what they wanted. I twas comical watching them get more and more irritated because we did not stand. As a general rule you don't want to make a guard ask you twice to do something. For some reason, these guards could not determine the obvious and after a few minutes I figured out they wanted us to stand up. That was my first, but not last, standing count incident.
After the 10:30 am count we are released for lunch. The strange thing about eating is that you are encouraged to eat quickly. In fact, you are given 15 minutes to eat. Normally this does not pose a problem because the food is not great and you don't get much. It does train one to eat fast (my wife will not appreciate my quick eating habit when I'm released). You learn certain table manners that the outside world doesn't practice. You must ask the other 3 guys before you grab the salt or pepper. So, rather than say, "please pass the salt," you would say, "may I have the salt, please?" Then, when finished, before leaving the table, you are supposed to knock on the table twice. I've dropped this practice by simply saying, "have a good evening or day." I don't know if anyone cares, but I like talking to them, rather than using knocks. It seems more personable. I usually eat with people I know anyway.
After lunch I have some free time. I usually go spend this time reading or writing. If I'm reading, then I'm reading my marketing textbook or some fictional novel. If I'm writing, it's either homework or letters. I will sometimes draw pictures or cut out magazine pictures for my kids at this time. I'll give the typical day for the afternoon and evening in a later blog.
Jeff
I wake up around 6 am every day (weekends included). I know it is 6 am because about 10 different watch alarms beep in the various cubicles that surround me. I get out of bed and get ready for work. Unlike work on the outside, I don't take a shower before my job. I do, however, put on pants and boots as required by the staff. I also make my bed before I go to work, which I'm sure will become a habit I can't stop when I'm released. I know my wife will appreciate that. I then proceed to my job. At the moment, my job is checking out recreation equipment to other inmates. I work from 6:30 to 9 am. Usually I am relieved by the guy who works after me by 8 am. It's a good job mainly because I write a letter during that time. Most jobs would not avail me the opportunity to write or read while working. So, this job is good for that. It would be a lot like emailing at a regular job, but I only get paid $.12 and hour and I only work for 1 1/2 hours a day.
After work I exercise. Sometimes this is walking the track and sometimes I'm doing an exercise class. I usually walk after the class no matter what. This walking time is also my prayer time. I enjoy this time to think and pray about my family and friends. This helps me stay focused on God in spite of the monotony of prison life. At about 9:45 am I will shower and get ready for lunch. We get counted at 10:30. This is a standing count. For some odd reason they make all inmates stand while they count us. Believe me when I say this requirement does nothing to improve the guards' ability to count. The first day I arrived I was with 2 other guys in a sound proof cell waiting to get placed in the camp. It was 4 pm, the other standing count during the day, and the guards were yelling at us to stand. Of course, being our first day and being in a sound proof cell, we had no idea what they wanted. I twas comical watching them get more and more irritated because we did not stand. As a general rule you don't want to make a guard ask you twice to do something. For some reason, these guards could not determine the obvious and after a few minutes I figured out they wanted us to stand up. That was my first, but not last, standing count incident.
After the 10:30 am count we are released for lunch. The strange thing about eating is that you are encouraged to eat quickly. In fact, you are given 15 minutes to eat. Normally this does not pose a problem because the food is not great and you don't get much. It does train one to eat fast (my wife will not appreciate my quick eating habit when I'm released). You learn certain table manners that the outside world doesn't practice. You must ask the other 3 guys before you grab the salt or pepper. So, rather than say, "please pass the salt," you would say, "may I have the salt, please?" Then, when finished, before leaving the table, you are supposed to knock on the table twice. I've dropped this practice by simply saying, "have a good evening or day." I don't know if anyone cares, but I like talking to them, rather than using knocks. It seems more personable. I usually eat with people I know anyway.
After lunch I have some free time. I usually go spend this time reading or writing. If I'm reading, then I'm reading my marketing textbook or some fictional novel. If I'm writing, it's either homework or letters. I will sometimes draw pictures or cut out magazine pictures for my kids at this time. I'll give the typical day for the afternoon and evening in a later blog.
Jeff
Saturday, September 29, 2007
A Friend (#19)
Jeff is working on some blog entries, so in the meantime, I'll update you on some things that are going on with him.
I believe I have written in the past about prison life (and Jeff will give you a typical day in his life in Taft). I do not recall if I have written about the statistics of who is there with him. In general, federal prison camp differs significantly from state prisons in one significant way. In order to go to a Federal Prison, you have to violate a federal law. So, the stuff you see on tv in your local towns, shootings, etc. are state law violations. However, when you see a drug bust, that is a violation of federal law. As such, the statistics indicate that between 80 and 85 percent of peopel incarcerated in Federal Prisons are there for drug convictions. Most of these drug offenders are from gangs. At the prison camp level, you get more diversity, (the Martha Stewarts types, etc.) but the majority are still drug offenders, and still, the majority have little higher education and grew up in gangs. In fact, the only required education a person get in prison is a GED, and the bureau of prisons wants to get the gang offenders an basic education and job training to get out of what they call the "committed criminal lifestyle."
Anyway, to move along, I wrote about how the prison is a barter economy and how guys trade for everything from clothes to food to seats at the movies. Because many of these guys have a lower than high school reading level, comics are a very popular reading material. I'm not making a judgment against comics (I love them), but they generally have fewer words that books and the story is told as much through words as through the art. Moreover, they take much less time to read and anything that will pass time in the mundane life of a prisoner is welcome. Jeff did not know this until he received some comics and found that they were very popular.
This brings me to my point. Jeff has a very good friend who also is a penciler for comic books. His name is Todd Nauck. I wanted to profile Todd since Jeff has been very fortunate to know Todd (Jeff loves comics, for those of you who don't know), and Todd has been faithful in sending Jeff comics every month. Jeff reads the comics and then usually trades them for a ride in the car (when the other inmates make their own meals, they call it riding in a car - I have no idea why) of another inmate. Here is, in Todd's own words, how he met Jeff.
I met Jeff in 1996 at Mariner's Church in Irvine, California. Jeff and I shared a love of Christ, comics, and Mystery Science Theater 3000. I would come over to Jeff and Scott's apartment at least twice a week to hang out. We became really great friends over the next several years. We did our best to keep in touch once Jeff moved out of Southern California. I do my best to keep Jeff supplied with comics during this difficult time. My prayers are with him.
I mentioned in a previous post Todd's work. I'm adding a link to his website on the blog page, http://www.wildguard.com/. Jeff has been tremendously blessed by Todd over the years, and now who would have thought that comics would be a valuable commodity in prison. Some of you may know Todd, but I imagine many of you do not. Todd has worked in the comic book industry for over 13 years as an artist for DC Comics and Marvel Comics. He recently wrapped up a run of Marvel's "Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man" series and is currently drawing "Teen Titans Go" for DC Comics. Todd also writes and draws an original comic book called "WildGuard" about a reality TV super hero team. Todd's site features tons of original sketches and character designs from the many comic books he's worked on. I encourage you to check it out. I think Todd is extremely talented.
Jeff is blessed by so many of you and I wish I could write about all of you (maybe I can). I just wanted to write about how such a simple act of sending comics could bless Jeff in so many ways. It just shows me that God puts people and relationships in our lives for reasons we may not understand or fully appreciate until years later. I'm learning that lesson over and over again through this time with my brother.
I believe I have written in the past about prison life (and Jeff will give you a typical day in his life in Taft). I do not recall if I have written about the statistics of who is there with him. In general, federal prison camp differs significantly from state prisons in one significant way. In order to go to a Federal Prison, you have to violate a federal law. So, the stuff you see on tv in your local towns, shootings, etc. are state law violations. However, when you see a drug bust, that is a violation of federal law. As such, the statistics indicate that between 80 and 85 percent of peopel incarcerated in Federal Prisons are there for drug convictions. Most of these drug offenders are from gangs. At the prison camp level, you get more diversity, (the Martha Stewarts types, etc.) but the majority are still drug offenders, and still, the majority have little higher education and grew up in gangs. In fact, the only required education a person get in prison is a GED, and the bureau of prisons wants to get the gang offenders an basic education and job training to get out of what they call the "committed criminal lifestyle."
Anyway, to move along, I wrote about how the prison is a barter economy and how guys trade for everything from clothes to food to seats at the movies. Because many of these guys have a lower than high school reading level, comics are a very popular reading material. I'm not making a judgment against comics (I love them), but they generally have fewer words that books and the story is told as much through words as through the art. Moreover, they take much less time to read and anything that will pass time in the mundane life of a prisoner is welcome. Jeff did not know this until he received some comics and found that they were very popular.
This brings me to my point. Jeff has a very good friend who also is a penciler for comic books. His name is Todd Nauck. I wanted to profile Todd since Jeff has been very fortunate to know Todd (Jeff loves comics, for those of you who don't know), and Todd has been faithful in sending Jeff comics every month. Jeff reads the comics and then usually trades them for a ride in the car (when the other inmates make their own meals, they call it riding in a car - I have no idea why) of another inmate. Here is, in Todd's own words, how he met Jeff.
I met Jeff in 1996 at Mariner's Church in Irvine, California. Jeff and I shared a love of Christ, comics, and Mystery Science Theater 3000. I would come over to Jeff and Scott's apartment at least twice a week to hang out. We became really great friends over the next several years. We did our best to keep in touch once Jeff moved out of Southern California. I do my best to keep Jeff supplied with comics during this difficult time. My prayers are with him.
I mentioned in a previous post Todd's work. I'm adding a link to his website on the blog page, http://www.wildguard.com/. Jeff has been tremendously blessed by Todd over the years, and now who would have thought that comics would be a valuable commodity in prison. Some of you may know Todd, but I imagine many of you do not. Todd has worked in the comic book industry for over 13 years as an artist for DC Comics and Marvel Comics. He recently wrapped up a run of Marvel's "Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man" series and is currently drawing "Teen Titans Go" for DC Comics. Todd also writes and draws an original comic book called "WildGuard" about a reality TV super hero team. Todd's site features tons of original sketches and character designs from the many comic books he's worked on. I encourage you to check it out. I think Todd is extremely talented.
Jeff is blessed by so many of you and I wish I could write about all of you (maybe I can). I just wanted to write about how such a simple act of sending comics could bless Jeff in so many ways. It just shows me that God puts people and relationships in our lives for reasons we may not understand or fully appreciate until years later. I'm learning that lesson over and over again through this time with my brother.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Rejoice (#18)
I've wanted to share my thoughts about the goodness of God. This topic has been on my mind and heart for well over 2 years now. However, I don't think I can put everything I've learned into one entry. Also, I don't think I've learned all that God has for me in the area of his goodness. I don't think I will ever fully grasp it though. I will share over the next several weeks some thoughts on God's goodness.
In one of the bible studies at Taft Correctional Institution (it sounds like a place of higher learning, but it's not) we are studying Philippians. The leader of the study, who is an elder at a church where he lives (this is Doug that I wrote about in my last email - Scott), taught on Phil. 4:4. (By the way, Doug is in for misrepresenting his financial status on a government form and that's why he's serving 33 months. Jeff says that the little things matter and it's not just between you and God - Scott) The passage says, "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again, I say rejoice!" The dictionary defines rejoice as "to give or feel joy." Without delving into the context of Philippians, I think we can take Paul's command and go with it. Paul is telling the Philippian church to feel join in the Lord. We can also do that. However, we can't allow our circumstances to dictate when we rejoice. The bible study leader's point was that the act of rejoicing will have an effect on you. To proactively rejoice or find joy in the Lord will help defend you against despair, depression, loneliness, and sadness. We all know that once we feel despair that it is difficult to rejoice in much of anything. Rejoicing is a preventative measure against the trials and difficulties you will face. If you aren't facing any difficulties, then you have much to rejoice about. If you find yourself lonely, sad, or in despair or depressed, it is much more difficult to rejoice; to find joy in anything much less in the Lord. I have learned in prison that I can always find something in which I can rejoice in the Lord.
Some of you may be surprised by that. Here we have very little. I own 12 pairs of socks, 10 t-shirts, 5 pairs of pants, 3 pairs of grey shorts, 1 sweatshirt, 2 towels, and 1 pair of shoes. I cannot buy cereal. All I get is corn flakes. Yet, despite not having the normal comforts of the outside, the action of rejoicing in prison is easier because I am here. I can see how God provides for me. I cannot go anywhere beyond the approved 10 acre complex. I walk our track sometimes 20-25 times a day. Yet, I am learning to see God's glory in wildflowers, sunsets, or in regular conversations. I am learning to rejoice in the Lord always. As I am learning to do so, I'm finding that I don't despair as much, that I'm not as lonely. It's not a choice. I can't just say that I'm going to rejoice or be joyful today. It's an attitude adjustment, a paradigm shift. You have to really appreciate who you are in Christ, what you have through Christ, and how Christ will be with you. I started my shift by simply being thankful for what I had. I found that I was much better of than I thought I was. It was a very small step. Each day I would find something for which I could be thankful. I would write it down for my wife. Here are a few because I think they will show you what I mean by starting small.
Ice Machine (it's very hot here, and we have one in our dorm - it's awesome)
Dr. Pepper (I love this stuff)
Cotton Mattress (most people don't have these and so I'm very fortunate. It's like camping every night)
Pop Tarts (this gets me through those bad food days)
Soccer Field (I love soccer and I get to play in prison)
Comic Books
USA Today
Rejoice in the Lord always. I think Paul had something here. I hope you can find something each day in your life that will show you God's goodness so that you can find joy in the Lord despite circumstances.
Jeff
In one of the bible studies at Taft Correctional Institution (it sounds like a place of higher learning, but it's not) we are studying Philippians. The leader of the study, who is an elder at a church where he lives (this is Doug that I wrote about in my last email - Scott), taught on Phil. 4:4. (By the way, Doug is in for misrepresenting his financial status on a government form and that's why he's serving 33 months. Jeff says that the little things matter and it's not just between you and God - Scott) The passage says, "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again, I say rejoice!" The dictionary defines rejoice as "to give or feel joy." Without delving into the context of Philippians, I think we can take Paul's command and go with it. Paul is telling the Philippian church to feel join in the Lord. We can also do that. However, we can't allow our circumstances to dictate when we rejoice. The bible study leader's point was that the act of rejoicing will have an effect on you. To proactively rejoice or find joy in the Lord will help defend you against despair, depression, loneliness, and sadness. We all know that once we feel despair that it is difficult to rejoice in much of anything. Rejoicing is a preventative measure against the trials and difficulties you will face. If you aren't facing any difficulties, then you have much to rejoice about. If you find yourself lonely, sad, or in despair or depressed, it is much more difficult to rejoice; to find joy in anything much less in the Lord. I have learned in prison that I can always find something in which I can rejoice in the Lord.
Some of you may be surprised by that. Here we have very little. I own 12 pairs of socks, 10 t-shirts, 5 pairs of pants, 3 pairs of grey shorts, 1 sweatshirt, 2 towels, and 1 pair of shoes. I cannot buy cereal. All I get is corn flakes. Yet, despite not having the normal comforts of the outside, the action of rejoicing in prison is easier because I am here. I can see how God provides for me. I cannot go anywhere beyond the approved 10 acre complex. I walk our track sometimes 20-25 times a day. Yet, I am learning to see God's glory in wildflowers, sunsets, or in regular conversations. I am learning to rejoice in the Lord always. As I am learning to do so, I'm finding that I don't despair as much, that I'm not as lonely. It's not a choice. I can't just say that I'm going to rejoice or be joyful today. It's an attitude adjustment, a paradigm shift. You have to really appreciate who you are in Christ, what you have through Christ, and how Christ will be with you. I started my shift by simply being thankful for what I had. I found that I was much better of than I thought I was. It was a very small step. Each day I would find something for which I could be thankful. I would write it down for my wife. Here are a few because I think they will show you what I mean by starting small.
Ice Machine (it's very hot here, and we have one in our dorm - it's awesome)
Dr. Pepper (I love this stuff)
Cotton Mattress (most people don't have these and so I'm very fortunate. It's like camping every night)
Pop Tarts (this gets me through those bad food days)
Soccer Field (I love soccer and I get to play in prison)
Comic Books
USA Today
Rejoice in the Lord always. I think Paul had something here. I hope you can find something each day in your life that will show you God's goodness so that you can find joy in the Lord despite circumstances.
Jeff
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Some new info (#17)
I haven't had a chance to update Jeff's blog. I only have one pending blog, but I thought I would provide some information that I have gathered from some of Jeff's letters I have received over the past couple of weeks.
As you may have read about previously in this blog, when Jeff initially entered the camp, one of his main concerns and prayers was that he would find a person with whom he could pray, trust, and just share his fears, concerns, joys, etc. that those of us on the "outside" take for granted. I do not recall if Jeff wrote about how inmates generally are very private people. There are a few reasons for this. First, they are surrounded by convicted criminals. Some are in for failing to pay child support (like Jeff's current prayer partner Tim), while the vast majority are in there for drug related offenses. Nevertheless, the culture is one of trickery and manipulation of other inmates. Second, the inmates are dynamic in that they all have varying sentences and could be moved to another institution at any time. They are property of the bureau of prisons, and they must adjust to being chattel of the government. Again, you may recall me writing about Michael Santos. He was moved to Taft because they thought he was "conducting a business" from prison, which is prohibited. Third is just the fact that these are all men, who don't open up and share their feelings very easily.
Anyway, my point in all this is that God provided Jeff a prayer partner very early on in his sentence in Tim. Tim, as I mentioned, was sentenced to Taft for failing to pay child support. However, Tim leaves Taft in Jan. '08. Obviously a few months away yet, but Jeff was going to lose his prayer partner. Recently, however, a strange development occurred up on Oregon at a Federal Prison Camp. The guards were bringing in contraband to the camp prisoners at the Sheridan camp. So, in order to prevent this, locals were assigned or moved to different camps. A guy named Doug who lives in Oregon was sent to Taft (I do not know the nature of the offense - but Jeff told me that he turned himself into the FBI over the situation). It turns out that Doug was an elder in his church in Newberg, Oregon (which is about 30 minutes from where I live in Portland), has a similar education and background as Jeff, and is also interested in finding a prayer partner. Jeff and Doug have been walking around the rec yard and Jeff has said that he enjoys Doug's company very much. One thing that Jeff can cling to with Doug is that he was sentenced to 33 months. So, Doug's release date will fall shortly after Jeff's, which will provide Jeff with the consistency in a prayer partner that he wanted, not to mention a guy that he can confide in and share with. Jeff and Tim will still pray together, but they will add Doug as well.
There is more to this story about Jeff's church if you read the previous blog, and I believe that is the subject of Jeff's blog that I will update shortly.
Oh, Jeff's son, Connor, has his birthday on Sept. 13. So, keep Jeff in your prayers as this is the first of a few birthdays that he will miss of his kids.
Scott
As you may have read about previously in this blog, when Jeff initially entered the camp, one of his main concerns and prayers was that he would find a person with whom he could pray, trust, and just share his fears, concerns, joys, etc. that those of us on the "outside" take for granted. I do not recall if Jeff wrote about how inmates generally are very private people. There are a few reasons for this. First, they are surrounded by convicted criminals. Some are in for failing to pay child support (like Jeff's current prayer partner Tim), while the vast majority are in there for drug related offenses. Nevertheless, the culture is one of trickery and manipulation of other inmates. Second, the inmates are dynamic in that they all have varying sentences and could be moved to another institution at any time. They are property of the bureau of prisons, and they must adjust to being chattel of the government. Again, you may recall me writing about Michael Santos. He was moved to Taft because they thought he was "conducting a business" from prison, which is prohibited. Third is just the fact that these are all men, who don't open up and share their feelings very easily.
Anyway, my point in all this is that God provided Jeff a prayer partner very early on in his sentence in Tim. Tim, as I mentioned, was sentenced to Taft for failing to pay child support. However, Tim leaves Taft in Jan. '08. Obviously a few months away yet, but Jeff was going to lose his prayer partner. Recently, however, a strange development occurred up on Oregon at a Federal Prison Camp. The guards were bringing in contraband to the camp prisoners at the Sheridan camp. So, in order to prevent this, locals were assigned or moved to different camps. A guy named Doug who lives in Oregon was sent to Taft (I do not know the nature of the offense - but Jeff told me that he turned himself into the FBI over the situation). It turns out that Doug was an elder in his church in Newberg, Oregon (which is about 30 minutes from where I live in Portland), has a similar education and background as Jeff, and is also interested in finding a prayer partner. Jeff and Doug have been walking around the rec yard and Jeff has said that he enjoys Doug's company very much. One thing that Jeff can cling to with Doug is that he was sentenced to 33 months. So, Doug's release date will fall shortly after Jeff's, which will provide Jeff with the consistency in a prayer partner that he wanted, not to mention a guy that he can confide in and share with. Jeff and Tim will still pray together, but they will add Doug as well.
There is more to this story about Jeff's church if you read the previous blog, and I believe that is the subject of Jeff's blog that I will update shortly.
Oh, Jeff's son, Connor, has his birthday on Sept. 13. So, keep Jeff in your prayers as this is the first of a few birthdays that he will miss of his kids.
Scott
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Who is the Pastor? (#16)
This installment will be a little different. Rather than sharing something about me, I thought I would provide an observation and prayer request. I received an Internet posting from my friends, Russ and Julie Darr. They wanted to share with me about a church that they are attending. The thing about this church is that there is no "head pastor" as many of us would ascribe to many of the pastors of churches we have attended or do attend. I've been drawn to this concept since shortly after I graduated from college. I had experienced a bible study where 50% of the people were involved in the study by either doing music,leading prayer, emceeing, or teaching. It struck me that the people in that bible study were using their gifts within the body. I have emulated that study elsewhere and I like how it challenged people to be an active participant in the body of Christ, or the church.
The posting I received provides a good biblical foundation for this structure. It reads, "Like all bible-believing churches, we trust that our church is led by the one and only Head of the church, our lord Jesus Christ. We believe Christ does this through his word as revealed in the Old and New Testament, and, as the Scripture teaches, through the leadership of elders (variously named pastors, overseers, or shepherds). We believe the New Testament teaches a plurality of pastors/elders: eg, Acts 14:23 'So when they had appointed elders in every church . . . ' There is no mention of a church led by a single elder, or pastor int he New Testament. For example remember James' advice to those who are sick. He doesn't suggest calling the pastor, but the elders of the church. James 4:14. We are convinced that leadership by a group of elders/pastors is the Biblical pattern.
Other than the aforementioned reason that I agree with this structure, there is another reason this article intrigued me. Our church here at Taft CI is structured this way. I have probably mentioned that we have a head pastor. However, he is really a head teacher. He is not an elder. Some of the elders will teach, but they have other gifts. One is clearly the shepherd of the church. He looks after the teachers and the others who are involved. The result of this structure is that Taft CI is led by 5 elders/pastors. They all share equal authority, though at times with differing roles. And those roles flow out of the gifts and passions the Spirit has given them.
Our church here is going through some major changes. Our head teacher is being released after 16 years of incarceration. One of our elders may have to significantly reduce the time he has to devote to the church. The nature of prison life is change and flux. It is accepted, but the church has been blessed with a rare amount of stability. I have been praying that God would use me wherever he wants. I ask that you would pray for our church and for God to make it clear to me what my role is or should become. The Taft CI church is regarded as one of the best prison churches in the system. This comes from inmates who both leave here and come here from other institutions. God is working through this church and I sense that Satan is trying to take advantage of these changes to discourage the believers here.
I want to thank the Darrs for sharing their church with me. I met the Darrs in Roseville as we were both seeking to find a church body. They became and still our good friends to me and my wife.
Jeff
The posting I received provides a good biblical foundation for this structure. It reads, "Like all bible-believing churches, we trust that our church is led by the one and only Head of the church, our lord Jesus Christ. We believe Christ does this through his word as revealed in the Old and New Testament, and, as the Scripture teaches, through the leadership of elders (variously named pastors, overseers, or shepherds). We believe the New Testament teaches a plurality of pastors/elders: eg, Acts 14:23 'So when they had appointed elders in every church . . . ' There is no mention of a church led by a single elder, or pastor int he New Testament. For example remember James' advice to those who are sick. He doesn't suggest calling the pastor, but the elders of the church. James 4:14. We are convinced that leadership by a group of elders/pastors is the Biblical pattern.
Other than the aforementioned reason that I agree with this structure, there is another reason this article intrigued me. Our church here at Taft CI is structured this way. I have probably mentioned that we have a head pastor. However, he is really a head teacher. He is not an elder. Some of the elders will teach, but they have other gifts. One is clearly the shepherd of the church. He looks after the teachers and the others who are involved. The result of this structure is that Taft CI is led by 5 elders/pastors. They all share equal authority, though at times with differing roles. And those roles flow out of the gifts and passions the Spirit has given them.
Our church here is going through some major changes. Our head teacher is being released after 16 years of incarceration. One of our elders may have to significantly reduce the time he has to devote to the church. The nature of prison life is change and flux. It is accepted, but the church has been blessed with a rare amount of stability. I have been praying that God would use me wherever he wants. I ask that you would pray for our church and for God to make it clear to me what my role is or should become. The Taft CI church is regarded as one of the best prison churches in the system. This comes from inmates who both leave here and come here from other institutions. God is working through this church and I sense that Satan is trying to take advantage of these changes to discourage the believers here.
I want to thank the Darrs for sharing their church with me. I met the Darrs in Roseville as we were both seeking to find a church body. They became and still our good friends to me and my wife.
Jeff
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Quick update (#15)
My brother decided to give me a break from the blog entries for a little while, and so I haven't had anything to write for a couple of weeks. I did receive an update on the blog about four days ago, but have not been able to post. I just wanted to send this little update from a couple of letters that I received.
First, Jeff has had trouble sleeping since his arrival. As you may have read, Jeff is housed in a cubicle, but it is not closed, in a large warehouse type structure. Noise carries and people are up at all hours in the bunks. Jeff can hear everything. Recently, however, he was able to move to a two-man cube instead of the three-man cube that he was in. He said it is toward the back, so there is a lot less noise and he is finally able to get some more sleep. Also, he has more room to write and study, so that is also nice. His bunk mate is a guy he lived with when he first arrived, so he already knew the guy. He does miss his old bunk mates, but he still stops by for visits and to help cook and eat the now famous tacos that I wrote about in a previous post.
In addition, before Jeff left for camp, I had done some research on the Internet about prison camp life, and what to expect. There is very little information, by the way, but one thing I did find was a web site called www.michaelsantos.net . I encourage you to visit this site just to see what a guy who has been through all the levels of prison security has to say about the experience. Michael earned a bachelors and masters degree while incarcerated, and has written several books (his latest, Inside, is a fantastic read). Anyway, I told Jeff about this site and he read many of the posts. Michael's time in prison was sort of the basis for how Jeff wanted to structure his time, with a goal-oriented focus on developing spiritually, intellectually, and physically. It turns out the Michael was sent to Taft in late June. Jeff had a chance to meet Michael and he said he was a nice guy and easy to talk to. This is significant in that there are few people in prison who are genuine, and not trying to manipulate or scam someone. Michael is a guy who is not trying to do that, but grow as a person. Jeff felt like God placed Michael at Taft for a reason. Perhaps just for encouragement, or for a friend, or what, Jeff isn't sure, but it was just nice to feel like he knew this guy from before he entered prison and that Michael was a person that Jeff could trust.
I will try and post Jeff's blog in the next few days. He is still playing soccer and his team is in the playoffs.
Scott
First, Jeff has had trouble sleeping since his arrival. As you may have read, Jeff is housed in a cubicle, but it is not closed, in a large warehouse type structure. Noise carries and people are up at all hours in the bunks. Jeff can hear everything. Recently, however, he was able to move to a two-man cube instead of the three-man cube that he was in. He said it is toward the back, so there is a lot less noise and he is finally able to get some more sleep. Also, he has more room to write and study, so that is also nice. His bunk mate is a guy he lived with when he first arrived, so he already knew the guy. He does miss his old bunk mates, but he still stops by for visits and to help cook and eat the now famous tacos that I wrote about in a previous post.
In addition, before Jeff left for camp, I had done some research on the Internet about prison camp life, and what to expect. There is very little information, by the way, but one thing I did find was a web site called www.michaelsantos.net . I encourage you to visit this site just to see what a guy who has been through all the levels of prison security has to say about the experience. Michael earned a bachelors and masters degree while incarcerated, and has written several books (his latest, Inside, is a fantastic read). Anyway, I told Jeff about this site and he read many of the posts. Michael's time in prison was sort of the basis for how Jeff wanted to structure his time, with a goal-oriented focus on developing spiritually, intellectually, and physically. It turns out the Michael was sent to Taft in late June. Jeff had a chance to meet Michael and he said he was a nice guy and easy to talk to. This is significant in that there are few people in prison who are genuine, and not trying to manipulate or scam someone. Michael is a guy who is not trying to do that, but grow as a person. Jeff felt like God placed Michael at Taft for a reason. Perhaps just for encouragement, or for a friend, or what, Jeff isn't sure, but it was just nice to feel like he knew this guy from before he entered prison and that Michael was a person that Jeff could trust.
I will try and post Jeff's blog in the next few days. He is still playing soccer and his team is in the playoffs.
Scott
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Spiritual Seasons (#14)
I heard a sermon here on spiritual seasons. The pastor focused on winter, even though it is the middle of summer. Anyway, he was saying how we as Christians will go through spiritual winters. These are times when we will not feel like very good Christians. We won't be sharing the gospel. We might not even feel like the gospel has any personal meaning. Church won't have much appeal and you probably won't be reading your Bible during a spiritual winter. I agreed with him in the sense that many Christians do go through those times. I'm not sure if this concept is biblical or not. I haven't done any research on it. I was also unsure if God caused the "spiritual winters" or if it was through our own rebellion and sin that we felt these "seasons." I think the reality is many of us have gone through a difficult spiritual time. I should distinguish between a spiritual a "spiritual winter" and a period of apathy. A "spiritual winter" is a time when you faith is challenged. External and internal factors make you re-evaluate what you believe about God and who God is. Spiritual apathy usually occurs when you are not being challenged although some of the effects of spiritual apathy do look like the spiritual winter. My belief is that God causes or allows spiritual winters. It is a time for growth and eventually renewal (Spring!). Spiritual apathy is caused by sin. How can you tell the difference? According to our pastor, the one thing that exists during a spiritual winter is a desire to know God. You may cry out to Him in pain, hurt, or anger. You may question Him. You may doubt your understanding of Him, but you are still engaging Him, the great I am. During your spiritual winter God will reveal to you things about Himself. You will come out of it renewed. If you are spiritually apathetic, you won't be talking to God or engaging Him at all. That's the big difference.
I've been spiritually apathetic and I believe I went through a spiritual winter. During my spiritual winter I didn't want to go to church. I didn't take communion. I didn't want to pray with my wife. I just wanted to have God show me who He is and show me He was there for me. During my time of spiritual apathy, I still don't want to go to church, but the big difference is I pretended to be a good Christian. I still went to Bible studies and all that. That's the thing, it's easy to pretend. I did not learn anything about who God is and I didn't really care to have Him reveal anything to me. I think God will surprise us. Sometimes the surprise does not manifest itself in a positive way in our life plan. The realization that God wanted me in prison was extremely difficult to accept. But, the revelation of who God is during that time has changed my life. If you feel that you are in a spiritual winter, continue to talk with the great I Am. It will end and you will be renewed. If you are stuck in apathy, well, the trickiest part is recognizing that you are even there.
Jeff
I've been spiritually apathetic and I believe I went through a spiritual winter. During my spiritual winter I didn't want to go to church. I didn't take communion. I didn't want to pray with my wife. I just wanted to have God show me who He is and show me He was there for me. During my time of spiritual apathy, I still don't want to go to church, but the big difference is I pretended to be a good Christian. I still went to Bible studies and all that. That's the thing, it's easy to pretend. I did not learn anything about who God is and I didn't really care to have Him reveal anything to me. I think God will surprise us. Sometimes the surprise does not manifest itself in a positive way in our life plan. The realization that God wanted me in prison was extremely difficult to accept. But, the revelation of who God is during that time has changed my life. If you feel that you are in a spiritual winter, continue to talk with the great I Am. It will end and you will be renewed. If you are stuck in apathy, well, the trickiest part is recognizing that you are even there.
Jeff
Friday, July 20, 2007
The Body of Christ (#13)
When I first knew that I would likely be spending time in prison, one of my first fears (there were many) was would the church, the body of Christ, be willing to help me and my family. I'm not talking about a specific church per se, but God's people, those who call themselves believers. I have been skeptical of the church, that is, God's people, and the churches they attend because most of the churches I have attended failed to meet the needs of the very people in the church. I even doubted God. I said, "who is going to be their Dad?"
After three months, I have seen the body of Christ act. It has humbled me, but also has made me proud to be a part of the body of Christ. While it's true that nobody can replace me as the physical "dad," there have been plenty of people who have played with them. In other words, the things I would do with my kids are being done. Most importantly, the spiritual model is there. I know my kids will grow up with a stronger sense for what the body of Christ can accomplish.
I have also witnessed the body of Christ a bigger than a church, or a group of friends in that church. My concept of the body of Christ was usually limited to whatever clique I was attached to at church. I never expected a pastor or elder to do anything or know anything about my struggles. However, I was wrong. From my church in Roseville to my current church in Carmel, I have seen people I don't even know take action to support me, to support others in the body of Christ. People at church I have never heard of were praying for our marriage and for God to work in my life: all of this is happening. Our marriage has survived some difficult times. There are still difficult times ahead, but I know my wife and I have discovered true unconditional love for each other.
I've also seen the body of Christ meet basic, physical needs. I'm so thankful for the financial support we have received as well as the visits to help my wife with the boys. I've had people I've never met provide money for me. How great is God when something like that happens!
The lesson I have learned is a simple one. I can trust that even though we are sinful, we, as the body of Christ, can still be used by God in tangible ways to help others. It's a testimony that has powerful effects. I'm putting into practice what I've experienced through many of you. I'm learning to display God's love through the body of Christ by helping others.
Jeff
After three months, I have seen the body of Christ act. It has humbled me, but also has made me proud to be a part of the body of Christ. While it's true that nobody can replace me as the physical "dad," there have been plenty of people who have played with them. In other words, the things I would do with my kids are being done. Most importantly, the spiritual model is there. I know my kids will grow up with a stronger sense for what the body of Christ can accomplish.
I have also witnessed the body of Christ a bigger than a church, or a group of friends in that church. My concept of the body of Christ was usually limited to whatever clique I was attached to at church. I never expected a pastor or elder to do anything or know anything about my struggles. However, I was wrong. From my church in Roseville to my current church in Carmel, I have seen people I don't even know take action to support me, to support others in the body of Christ. People at church I have never heard of were praying for our marriage and for God to work in my life: all of this is happening. Our marriage has survived some difficult times. There are still difficult times ahead, but I know my wife and I have discovered true unconditional love for each other.
I've also seen the body of Christ meet basic, physical needs. I'm so thankful for the financial support we have received as well as the visits to help my wife with the boys. I've had people I've never met provide money for me. How great is God when something like that happens!
The lesson I have learned is a simple one. I can trust that even though we are sinful, we, as the body of Christ, can still be used by God in tangible ways to help others. It's a testimony that has powerful effects. I'm putting into practice what I've experienced through many of you. I'm learning to display God's love through the body of Christ by helping others.
Jeff
Saturday, July 14, 2007
3 Month Update (#12)
I've been here three months now. I have passed Memorial Day, Father's Day, the Fourth of July (my wife's birthday as well is on the fourth), and my birthday (July ninth). I have seen my wife 5 times and my kids 3 times since I entered. I actually consider myself lucky. Some people go months without seeing their families and some guys cannot afford to call their wives. There are many things for which I am thankful. I have a different job now. Instead of picking up trash and watering trees, I now hand out recreation equipment. I like this job because it gives me time to write and read.
I have also joined a soccer league. I've been hurt for 3 weeks, but what fun it is for me to play soccer. I have met a lot of people through soccer and have become more known around camp. the Hispanics call me Beckham. Beckham is a famous English soccer player who recently signed a $250 million contract to play soccer in the US (he just arrived in the US and should play for the LA Galaxy on July 21st - if anyone cared - VCmoney edit). The call me Beckham because I'm the only white player that is decent and Beckham is the only white player they know. I'm thankful for the chance to play, but also to be accepted. It makes a big difference.
I haven't taken on any new roles in the church here. You have to wait 4 months before you are even considered. At this point, I'm content with meeting the new people and trying to make them feel welcomed. I have been praying with a guy here named Tim. That has been a real blessing and answer to prayer for me. I'm thankful for the encouragement he provides and his faithfulness in praying. I also attend 2 Bible studies, a worship service, and a prayer group. I really enjoy the prayer group. They have helped me through some of the more difficult times int he past 3 months.
I should start taking some classes later this month. I cannot say how grateful I am to those of you who have contributed financially to enable me to take classes. It has been a faith step for me to trust God with my whole life. Thank you for showing me how God uses his people to show his faithfulness. Some of the classes I will be taking are in marketing and advertising through Ohio University that are part of a degree program. I will also take some courses the prison offers that enable me to get different jobs here. One is gardening and anther is quilting. The courses the prison offers are free, but as you can see, they aren't really for job preparation, but to pass the time and for various jobs around the prison.
I also have to say I'm thankful for the fun mail I'm getting. For my birthday, I got the USA today. Thanks to my brother and Todd Nauck (an awesome comic book artist and friend) - (look him up at www.wildguard.com - VCmoney edit) I'm getting comic books sent every month. Several of you also keep me informed about the latest games and toys as well as life (Thanks Tim, John B, and Trace). I've tried to write everyone on my address list. I've still got a few more to go through, and I apologize to those that I have not written yet.
Several of you have asked what I need. I try to direct those to Scott (my brother) or my sister (Jill). But, if you want to send me something, here is what is acceptable: any book purchased through Amazon.com, Borders.com, Barnesandnoble.com (hardbound or paperback). Paperback books can be send directly to me (use media mail, it's the cheapest). Magazines must come through a subscription. You cannot send a stamped self-addressed envelope (I have no idea why). If you want to send me money to help with postage, the best way is to send a US Postal money order (any money order will do, but a postal order gets to me the fastest) made payable to Jeffrey Wells. Put your address as the return address. Then, mail it to me as if it were a letter (through the post office). I'm always looking for people to help Laura and the boys with gift cards to Target or Trader Joes. Laura really appreciates that. I just want to say thank you all and that God is blessing me here through you.
Jeff
I have also joined a soccer league. I've been hurt for 3 weeks, but what fun it is for me to play soccer. I have met a lot of people through soccer and have become more known around camp. the Hispanics call me Beckham. Beckham is a famous English soccer player who recently signed a $250 million contract to play soccer in the US (he just arrived in the US and should play for the LA Galaxy on July 21st - if anyone cared - VCmoney edit). The call me Beckham because I'm the only white player that is decent and Beckham is the only white player they know. I'm thankful for the chance to play, but also to be accepted. It makes a big difference.
I haven't taken on any new roles in the church here. You have to wait 4 months before you are even considered. At this point, I'm content with meeting the new people and trying to make them feel welcomed. I have been praying with a guy here named Tim. That has been a real blessing and answer to prayer for me. I'm thankful for the encouragement he provides and his faithfulness in praying. I also attend 2 Bible studies, a worship service, and a prayer group. I really enjoy the prayer group. They have helped me through some of the more difficult times int he past 3 months.
I should start taking some classes later this month. I cannot say how grateful I am to those of you who have contributed financially to enable me to take classes. It has been a faith step for me to trust God with my whole life. Thank you for showing me how God uses his people to show his faithfulness. Some of the classes I will be taking are in marketing and advertising through Ohio University that are part of a degree program. I will also take some courses the prison offers that enable me to get different jobs here. One is gardening and anther is quilting. The courses the prison offers are free, but as you can see, they aren't really for job preparation, but to pass the time and for various jobs around the prison.
I also have to say I'm thankful for the fun mail I'm getting. For my birthday, I got the USA today. Thanks to my brother and Todd Nauck (an awesome comic book artist and friend) - (look him up at www.wildguard.com - VCmoney edit) I'm getting comic books sent every month. Several of you also keep me informed about the latest games and toys as well as life (Thanks Tim, John B, and Trace). I've tried to write everyone on my address list. I've still got a few more to go through, and I apologize to those that I have not written yet.
Several of you have asked what I need. I try to direct those to Scott (my brother) or my sister (Jill). But, if you want to send me something, here is what is acceptable: any book purchased through Amazon.com, Borders.com, Barnesandnoble.com (hardbound or paperback). Paperback books can be send directly to me (use media mail, it's the cheapest). Magazines must come through a subscription. You cannot send a stamped self-addressed envelope (I have no idea why). If you want to send me money to help with postage, the best way is to send a US Postal money order (any money order will do, but a postal order gets to me the fastest) made payable to Jeffrey Wells. Put your address as the return address. Then, mail it to me as if it were a letter (through the post office). I'm always looking for people to help Laura and the boys with gift cards to Target or Trader Joes. Laura really appreciates that. I just want to say thank you all and that God is blessing me here through you.
Jeff
Thursday, July 12, 2007
My visit to see Jeff (#11)
Over the 4th of July (long) weekend, my wife Beth and I flew to CA with our two children so that we could visit Jeff. We rented a car and piled into it with Jeff's wife and Jeff's two children. Starting from Carmel at 7:30 am it was about 55 degrees and foggy. By the time we got to Taft, it was about 111 degrees. It was quite an adjustment. After checking into a hotel, Laura (Jeff's wife), Jeff's two kids, and I drove over to the camp. It is about 4 miles or so from the hotel to the camp. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, a person could just walk away from the camp. It would be pretty easy to do so, but that would subject the escapee to a much higher degree of prison security, and a longer sentence. It's not worth it, but people do it.
I have never been to Taft before, so seeing the oil pumps reminded me of Bakersfield, except Taft is much smaller, and the terrain looks like scorched earth. Just barren. The drive up to the prison wasn't too bad for me, since I knew what to expect. There is a low security prison in front of Jeff's camp that holds non-citizen prisoners. Although it is low security, there are a lot of wires and protection because the inmates there are considered a high flight risk. To visit, we drove around this prison to the camp. You basically park outside of a building, and there are camp prisoners wandering about (they are taking care of the garden outside of the building). This is a hard job to get since there is a great degree of freedom. New inmates don't get this job. Off to the right there is a huge garden, it's as big as the recreation area, which I couldn't see all of, since it was behind the buildings, but Jeff told me that the garden was very large. I could see the garden, and it was at least as big as a football field, perhaps larger. In the middle, Jeff says, is a little pond, and there are paths through this garden. It has a lot of shade compared to the rest of camp, has fresh vegetables (which the prisoners are not supposed to take back to their bunks), and is very peaceful place compared to the rest of the camp. Jeff says that working in this garden is the best job, and the hardest to get. Anyway, that is what you see to the right of the building as you enter the prison facility. To the left there is a loading bay for the goods that the prisoners can buy, mail, food, etc.
As you walk into the building, the first thing I noticed again were the prisoners wandering about or waiting for something. I'm not quite sure. It was air conditioned (the second thing I noticed) and perhaps that explained the number of prisoners there. It is quite likely that they were all assigned to the lawn and plants just out front of the building, but were inside to escape the 111 degree sun. Since I am related to Jeff, I was cleared for a visit, but I didn't read my visitation rules very well and Laura told me that I could not wear shorts or my Adidas sandals. So, I borrowed some of Jeff's jeans and shoes before I went down. At any rate, I mention the clothes because the prisoners also have a strict dress code, they have to wear pants, and most wear some tan pants. They can wear tan or white t-shirts, but on a day like Friday (July 6th) they were almost entirely in white t-shirts. I later learned that I may have been mistaken for a prisoner in my khaki and white t-shirt that I wore while driving, and I understand why.
The room was very crowded this Friday. First, it was the 4th of July weekend, and second, we got there a little late for visitation. Visitation ends at 3, and we arrived at 12:30. We were still ushered right in to see Jeff, but he expected us about 12. We sat down at a table, and just began talking. Jeff looked the same to me, except much thinner than I had last seen him. One thing that struck me immediately was that the guards pay very little attention to what the inmates are doing, but in a minimum security camp, the prisoners know that being stupid and trying to bring in real contraband (drugs, alcohol, etc) would be a big mistake and not worth the risk. I wasn't even searched. Jeff is searched after every visit and must go through a drug scan as well.
The next thing I noticed was that every table was full of food that you would find at 7-11, stuff like candy bars, mini-bags of chips, and bagged sandwiches, hot dogs, etc. I couldn't figure out why the prisoners got so excited about this stuff, but Jeff told me that you get pretty sick of the food that they offer every day and so this 7-11 food is a nice treat. It also explained why you always bring some cash because they charge outrageous prices for this stuff. Jeff was craving a hamburger, and so we got him that (two of them - you can't buy only one) for $6. I ate one, and it wasn't bad. Jeff can get soda at this time pretty easily as well, even though they sell soda at the commissary. He still likes the freedom of being able to buy one whenever he wants without waiting for his turn to go to the commissary.
We spent about 2 hours and 15 minutes there on Friday. Jeff seemed in good spirits. We went back again on Sat at 8:30 and stayed until about 11:30. The hardest part about the visits with kids is that there is really nothing for them to do. There is a little room that the kids can go in and play and watch TV, but the prisoners can't go in there, so if you are bringing kids to see their dad, there is little point to send the kids away. At any rate, the prison visiting area does have crayons, books, and some puzzles, building blocks (well Jenga) and stuff to do at the tables.
I was very proud of my brother. Not only has he lost about 20 pounds in 3 months, but he is well thought of by many of the prisoners and seems to be well liked. It would be very easy for prisoners to ignore each other when they are spending precious time with their families, but a few prisoners made their way over to meet Jeff's twin (Jeff and I are identical), and to meet his wife and kids, if they hadn't already done so. Jeff knows people from playing soccer, from church, and from his dorm in general. He has gained some fame for being a decent Caucasian soccer player, but on this day, most of the guys were surprised what might have been Jeff's doppelganger. But, when they learned that we were identical twins, it just added more things for Jeff to talk to the guys about. I can't remember if Jeff has mentioned this, but prison is a place where being open, making friends, and talking about your personal life is not typical behavior. So, for the men to want to engage Jeff about his twin is a great starting point for him to engage these men.
Well, I'm not going to get to Jeff's blog, and I'm already behind one blog, so I'll get to one of them this weekend. I just wanted to share another story that Jeff talked about. As Jeff has mentioned previously, many of the guys look for creative ways to change the food options the prison gives them. Since they have access to microwaves, they try all kinds of things. Jeff says one guy in his dorm makes great tacos. It is quite an honor to have tacos with this guy, as Jeff says, because they are so good. Jeff says that if you have this honor, it is called, being in the car. So, the guy will go and say, hey what can you bring to ride in my car. Jeff will say, I can get some meat, or whatever they get. Jeff will ask, "who else is riding in your car?" which means either means who else is going to be eating tacos or what kind of tacos are we having, and could mean both. I'm not sure why I'm telling this story, but it really made Jeff smile that he was frequently offered to ride in this car and enjoy some tacos. A little variety for these men can make all the difference, and I just liked seeing my brother considered for a ride in the car.
This weekend, more from Jeff.
I have never been to Taft before, so seeing the oil pumps reminded me of Bakersfield, except Taft is much smaller, and the terrain looks like scorched earth. Just barren. The drive up to the prison wasn't too bad for me, since I knew what to expect. There is a low security prison in front of Jeff's camp that holds non-citizen prisoners. Although it is low security, there are a lot of wires and protection because the inmates there are considered a high flight risk. To visit, we drove around this prison to the camp. You basically park outside of a building, and there are camp prisoners wandering about (they are taking care of the garden outside of the building). This is a hard job to get since there is a great degree of freedom. New inmates don't get this job. Off to the right there is a huge garden, it's as big as the recreation area, which I couldn't see all of, since it was behind the buildings, but Jeff told me that the garden was very large. I could see the garden, and it was at least as big as a football field, perhaps larger. In the middle, Jeff says, is a little pond, and there are paths through this garden. It has a lot of shade compared to the rest of camp, has fresh vegetables (which the prisoners are not supposed to take back to their bunks), and is very peaceful place compared to the rest of the camp. Jeff says that working in this garden is the best job, and the hardest to get. Anyway, that is what you see to the right of the building as you enter the prison facility. To the left there is a loading bay for the goods that the prisoners can buy, mail, food, etc.
As you walk into the building, the first thing I noticed again were the prisoners wandering about or waiting for something. I'm not quite sure. It was air conditioned (the second thing I noticed) and perhaps that explained the number of prisoners there. It is quite likely that they were all assigned to the lawn and plants just out front of the building, but were inside to escape the 111 degree sun. Since I am related to Jeff, I was cleared for a visit, but I didn't read my visitation rules very well and Laura told me that I could not wear shorts or my Adidas sandals. So, I borrowed some of Jeff's jeans and shoes before I went down. At any rate, I mention the clothes because the prisoners also have a strict dress code, they have to wear pants, and most wear some tan pants. They can wear tan or white t-shirts, but on a day like Friday (July 6th) they were almost entirely in white t-shirts. I later learned that I may have been mistaken for a prisoner in my khaki and white t-shirt that I wore while driving, and I understand why.
The room was very crowded this Friday. First, it was the 4th of July weekend, and second, we got there a little late for visitation. Visitation ends at 3, and we arrived at 12:30. We were still ushered right in to see Jeff, but he expected us about 12. We sat down at a table, and just began talking. Jeff looked the same to me, except much thinner than I had last seen him. One thing that struck me immediately was that the guards pay very little attention to what the inmates are doing, but in a minimum security camp, the prisoners know that being stupid and trying to bring in real contraband (drugs, alcohol, etc) would be a big mistake and not worth the risk. I wasn't even searched. Jeff is searched after every visit and must go through a drug scan as well.
The next thing I noticed was that every table was full of food that you would find at 7-11, stuff like candy bars, mini-bags of chips, and bagged sandwiches, hot dogs, etc. I couldn't figure out why the prisoners got so excited about this stuff, but Jeff told me that you get pretty sick of the food that they offer every day and so this 7-11 food is a nice treat. It also explained why you always bring some cash because they charge outrageous prices for this stuff. Jeff was craving a hamburger, and so we got him that (two of them - you can't buy only one) for $6. I ate one, and it wasn't bad. Jeff can get soda at this time pretty easily as well, even though they sell soda at the commissary. He still likes the freedom of being able to buy one whenever he wants without waiting for his turn to go to the commissary.
We spent about 2 hours and 15 minutes there on Friday. Jeff seemed in good spirits. We went back again on Sat at 8:30 and stayed until about 11:30. The hardest part about the visits with kids is that there is really nothing for them to do. There is a little room that the kids can go in and play and watch TV, but the prisoners can't go in there, so if you are bringing kids to see their dad, there is little point to send the kids away. At any rate, the prison visiting area does have crayons, books, and some puzzles, building blocks (well Jenga) and stuff to do at the tables.
I was very proud of my brother. Not only has he lost about 20 pounds in 3 months, but he is well thought of by many of the prisoners and seems to be well liked. It would be very easy for prisoners to ignore each other when they are spending precious time with their families, but a few prisoners made their way over to meet Jeff's twin (Jeff and I are identical), and to meet his wife and kids, if they hadn't already done so. Jeff knows people from playing soccer, from church, and from his dorm in general. He has gained some fame for being a decent Caucasian soccer player, but on this day, most of the guys were surprised what might have been Jeff's doppelganger. But, when they learned that we were identical twins, it just added more things for Jeff to talk to the guys about. I can't remember if Jeff has mentioned this, but prison is a place where being open, making friends, and talking about your personal life is not typical behavior. So, for the men to want to engage Jeff about his twin is a great starting point for him to engage these men.
Well, I'm not going to get to Jeff's blog, and I'm already behind one blog, so I'll get to one of them this weekend. I just wanted to share another story that Jeff talked about. As Jeff has mentioned previously, many of the guys look for creative ways to change the food options the prison gives them. Since they have access to microwaves, they try all kinds of things. Jeff says one guy in his dorm makes great tacos. It is quite an honor to have tacos with this guy, as Jeff says, because they are so good. Jeff says that if you have this honor, it is called, being in the car. So, the guy will go and say, hey what can you bring to ride in my car. Jeff will say, I can get some meat, or whatever they get. Jeff will ask, "who else is riding in your car?" which means either means who else is going to be eating tacos or what kind of tacos are we having, and could mean both. I'm not sure why I'm telling this story, but it really made Jeff smile that he was frequently offered to ride in this car and enjoy some tacos. A little variety for these men can make all the difference, and I just liked seeing my brother considered for a ride in the car.
This weekend, more from Jeff.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Two Interesting Fellows (#10)
I'm going to visit my brother this weekend. I hope to share a bit about what I see and encounter. My wife and kids and I are taking Jeff's wife and kids down for a visit. Now onto the blog.
I want to share a story that opened my eyes. There is a young guy here who is a friend of one of my bunkies. This young guy is always borrowing things from me. He's self-centered, so he never offers anything in return. Unfortunately, I got to the point where I expected something from him. About two weeks ago, he went into my locker and borrowed my scissors without asking anyone. That's a huge faux pas here. The next day he left a coke on my locker. I knew his intent was not to give it to me in exchange for borrowing my scissors, but the next morning, I drank the coke. The guy came by later and wanted his coke. He was really upset. He told some of his friends, one of which started giving me a hard time about my job. Now, my boss has never complained about how I do my job, but this guy had a problem with me. One thing I knew, I was not handling the situation in a Christ-like manner. I shared with my prayer team that I felt that I was under some spiritual attack.
Later that weekend, after praying a lot about the situation, I saw the guy who was harassing me at my job. I had already returned the coke to the young guy and apologized for drinking it, so I had tried to allay that animosity. When I saw the guy who was harassing me, I felt that Spirit saying I should talk to him. So I did. You could tell the guy was expecting a confrontation, but I asked him how long he watered each tree. I told him I would water longer.
This past week I spend extra time watering and working the trees. I believe I've reconciled with both of these guys. Both have been much more cordial. I'm not their friends, but I hope that my behavior did reflect Christ. The informal rules of prison would have exonerated my behavior of drinking the coke, and the advice I got from my bunkies confirmed that. In fact, my bunkies told me that I should cuss the guy out and tell him to mind his own business, not sparing any expletives. I was also justified by legitimate prison rules in drinking the coke. However, there are times when you have to be humble and accept persecution and still do what Christ would do. Although, at times, it may be hard to do that.
Jeff
I want to share a story that opened my eyes. There is a young guy here who is a friend of one of my bunkies. This young guy is always borrowing things from me. He's self-centered, so he never offers anything in return. Unfortunately, I got to the point where I expected something from him. About two weeks ago, he went into my locker and borrowed my scissors without asking anyone. That's a huge faux pas here. The next day he left a coke on my locker. I knew his intent was not to give it to me in exchange for borrowing my scissors, but the next morning, I drank the coke. The guy came by later and wanted his coke. He was really upset. He told some of his friends, one of which started giving me a hard time about my job. Now, my boss has never complained about how I do my job, but this guy had a problem with me. One thing I knew, I was not handling the situation in a Christ-like manner. I shared with my prayer team that I felt that I was under some spiritual attack.
Later that weekend, after praying a lot about the situation, I saw the guy who was harassing me at my job. I had already returned the coke to the young guy and apologized for drinking it, so I had tried to allay that animosity. When I saw the guy who was harassing me, I felt that Spirit saying I should talk to him. So I did. You could tell the guy was expecting a confrontation, but I asked him how long he watered each tree. I told him I would water longer.
This past week I spend extra time watering and working the trees. I believe I've reconciled with both of these guys. Both have been much more cordial. I'm not their friends, but I hope that my behavior did reflect Christ. The informal rules of prison would have exonerated my behavior of drinking the coke, and the advice I got from my bunkies confirmed that. In fact, my bunkies told me that I should cuss the guy out and tell him to mind his own business, not sparing any expletives. I was also justified by legitimate prison rules in drinking the coke. However, there are times when you have to be humble and accept persecution and still do what Christ would do. Although, at times, it may be hard to do that.
Jeff
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Why I'm here (#9)
It occurred to me that some of you may not know why I'm blogging from Taft Correctional Institution's Camp. The reason began over 4 years ago. I was working for a company managing their cash investments, among other things. At this point in time the interest rates on cash investments were very low (less than 1% on 1 yr treasury bills - VCmoney edit). I thought I had found a way to make a higher return without adding additional risk to our investment portfolio. In order to make this investment I would have to disregard the company's investment policy. Well, that was rather prideful, and I thought I could do better than our brokers and money managers. I also wrongly thought that this was the way the business world worked. I tried to separate my Christian values from work. That was an incorrect deduction. I made the investment knowing that it was unethical and not worthy of Christ. I did not know it was illegal to do what I did, but I can see, looking back, how it was. The investment did not work out the way I had hoped. The investment lost $2 million. This is a huge amount of money to anyone. I was dealing with millions of dollars every day in my job as it was. I probably moved $20 million around every week, but still, $2 million is a lot to lose. Because I had not followed the investment policy, and because I tried to hide the fact that I did not follow the investment policy, I was arrested for wire fraud in early 2004. I fought the case for 3 years. I knew that my intent was not to defraud this company, but my actions did not make it easy to prove that. Anyway in Feb. 2007, I was sentenced to 3 years in a Federal Prison Camp for my actions.
There is a similarity in what I did to our Christian lives. We may have the best of intentions in our hearts. We may want to minister to our friends, help the poor, fight social injustice, give our lives to the Lord, support missions projects, pray for people in the church, etc., etc. However, what we want to do and what we actually do is the difference between living for yourself and thinking you are living for Christ and actually living for Christ. I only know this because I deal with it every day and have been hit in the face with my actions because I did not follow my words with my deeds. You can't profess to be a Christian in a prison without having the actions to support it. What you believe and what you do are inseparable. It's the same outside of prison.
Jeff
There is a similarity in what I did to our Christian lives. We may have the best of intentions in our hearts. We may want to minister to our friends, help the poor, fight social injustice, give our lives to the Lord, support missions projects, pray for people in the church, etc., etc. However, what we want to do and what we actually do is the difference between living for yourself and thinking you are living for Christ and actually living for Christ. I only know this because I deal with it every day and have been hit in the face with my actions because I did not follow my words with my deeds. You can't profess to be a Christian in a prison without having the actions to support it. What you believe and what you do are inseparable. It's the same outside of prison.
Jeff
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Some Other Prisoners (#8)
Before I get to the blog, I have only received one blog update from Jeff in the past 10 days or so. I have talked to him a couple of times and written a few letters. Here is what Jeff has been talking and writing about. He wants to read comics. He says those are nice, quick reads, and he is able to trade them for other things pretty easily (I guess there is somewhat of a barter economy in the camp). Also, there is a card game based on Star Wars that he would like to have his son, Connor get. I don't know too much about the Star Wars game to try to explain here, but if you want to get Connor a couple of packs, you can find information about it at Wizkidsgames.com.
Also, he is playing on a soccer team in the camp. His team is pretty good, and they call him Beckham (which they mean as a compliment). I think he would prefer to be called Lampard or Gerrard. But how many people outside of England know who they are? Anyway, on to the blog.
I want to share specifically about some of the men I've met here. God has answered one prayer. I had been praying for a friend with whom I could pray and share, find encouragement and just process what is happening. About a month ago, God put on my heart a guy named Tim. He had been going to all of the Christian services like me. He seemed to be a quiet guy. So, one day I asked him if he wanted to get together once a week to pray. he gave an enthusiastic yes. So, we have been praying every Friday. It's been a great time for me. Tim is here because he could not pay his child support, which is ironic because now he really can't. However, Tim has a great attitude and views his "encampment" as a blessing. He has learned so much about God. I had the privilege of giving him an NIV Bible. He was thrilled. He wanted me to sign it in the front part where it says "presented by" etc. It was an honor and humbling at the same time. An honor in that I was able to give him something that gave him so much excitement, but humbling in that I have so many NIV Bibles at my house that I consider them to be clutter. There are people who want bibles. In fact, I could use another 2 or 3 to give away.
That leads me to another guy I met. My loving wife told me before I came to Taft that she wanted me to spend time talking with these men, getting to know them, and sharing my life in Christ with them. One night about one and half months ago, a friend of my cube mate's was sitting in our cube. I started talking to him even though I was in the middle of a letter. He shared a lot about his life, a life of drugs it turns out. He has 2 kids an is divorced, but is engaged to be married in July (he's only here for 2 more months). I shared about my family and how I felt there was a purpose for me here. In the middle of our discussion I realized that I was late for church. I said I had to go to church. He asked if he could come. He's been coming ever since. I would really like to give him an NIV Bible and the purpose driven life book. you don't have to buy these for me, but if you have them around in paperback, you can send them to me, they will go to good use. I would also like to ask for prayer for him. His name is Ron.
There are two other men, Steve and Ken, that I would like prayer for. They cam in about the same time I did. They didn't go to church until about a month ago. Since that time I've tried to talk to them. Both of them are going to attend a bible study with me on Thursdays. It's kind of a discussion oriented bible study. I think it will be good for them to be able to ask questions and hear feedback from other men who are also going along the spiritual journey. Ken also wants an NIV Bible. I think Steve may want one at some point as well. (By the way, they give us New King James versions here for free, but new or non-believers find them difficult to read).
Those are some of the men I've met. Please continue to pray that every day I would reflect who Christ is in action and word here.
Jeff
Also, he is playing on a soccer team in the camp. His team is pretty good, and they call him Beckham (which they mean as a compliment). I think he would prefer to be called Lampard or Gerrard. But how many people outside of England know who they are? Anyway, on to the blog.
I want to share specifically about some of the men I've met here. God has answered one prayer. I had been praying for a friend with whom I could pray and share, find encouragement and just process what is happening. About a month ago, God put on my heart a guy named Tim. He had been going to all of the Christian services like me. He seemed to be a quiet guy. So, one day I asked him if he wanted to get together once a week to pray. he gave an enthusiastic yes. So, we have been praying every Friday. It's been a great time for me. Tim is here because he could not pay his child support, which is ironic because now he really can't. However, Tim has a great attitude and views his "encampment" as a blessing. He has learned so much about God. I had the privilege of giving him an NIV Bible. He was thrilled. He wanted me to sign it in the front part where it says "presented by" etc. It was an honor and humbling at the same time. An honor in that I was able to give him something that gave him so much excitement, but humbling in that I have so many NIV Bibles at my house that I consider them to be clutter. There are people who want bibles. In fact, I could use another 2 or 3 to give away.
That leads me to another guy I met. My loving wife told me before I came to Taft that she wanted me to spend time talking with these men, getting to know them, and sharing my life in Christ with them. One night about one and half months ago, a friend of my cube mate's was sitting in our cube. I started talking to him even though I was in the middle of a letter. He shared a lot about his life, a life of drugs it turns out. He has 2 kids an is divorced, but is engaged to be married in July (he's only here for 2 more months). I shared about my family and how I felt there was a purpose for me here. In the middle of our discussion I realized that I was late for church. I said I had to go to church. He asked if he could come. He's been coming ever since. I would really like to give him an NIV Bible and the purpose driven life book. you don't have to buy these for me, but if you have them around in paperback, you can send them to me, they will go to good use. I would also like to ask for prayer for him. His name is Ron.
There are two other men, Steve and Ken, that I would like prayer for. They cam in about the same time I did. They didn't go to church until about a month ago. Since that time I've tried to talk to them. Both of them are going to attend a bible study with me on Thursdays. It's kind of a discussion oriented bible study. I think it will be good for them to be able to ask questions and hear feedback from other men who are also going along the spiritual journey. Ken also wants an NIV Bible. I think Steve may want one at some point as well. (By the way, they give us New King James versions here for free, but new or non-believers find them difficult to read).
Those are some of the men I've met. Please continue to pray that every day I would reflect who Christ is in action and word here.
Jeff
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Humility & Trust (#7)
Before I get to Jeff's latest blog entry, I wanted to share my recent phone conversation with Jeff's wife, Laura. I asked her what I could be praying about for her. She said she just needs help. So, I would ask that anyone who lives near Laura to help her by watching her kids for an hour or two so that Laura can get groceries or run errands or just go have some alone time. I think that would be very rewarding for her. Now onto the blog.
I am starting to see some of God's purpose in the ordeal. I know that this is a growing period for me. The first part of my learning process actually started long before I was sentenced. I had been praying that if God wanted me to go to prison, I would go. I kept asking God, "what about my family." I am slowly learning to trust the Creator of the universe to take care of my family. I'm slowly learning to simply trust. Trust that God has a purpose for me here and trust that God will take care of my family.
After being here, I have to say I'm also learning humility. While a prison camp has no real safety issues, one of the few ways you can have issues is with pride. If you think you are better than people, you will find problems. Demanding respect is futile. There is a more subtle aspect to humility though. This is probably true even in situations on the "outside." There are situations every day where being humble, being willing to be wrong, being willing to accept someone making fun of you, being willing to be different from the "norm" or the willingness to accept wrongs against you, demonstrates humility. Most people would call this weakness. I'll tell you that I'm surrounded by people who lie, cheat, and take advantage of you, but they notice true humility anyway. Yes, sometimes people will take advantage of that. I've been cheated on buying tennis shoes. But for every time I've been cheated, I've been given things because other people saw my humility and integrity. More than what I get in return is the example I set. Poeple know here if you go to church. Like Christians on the outside, Christians here are under a microscope too (perhaps even more so).
I'm also learning compassion. You know pjeople are hurting here. However, mnay guys cover itup by keeping busy or by just being "a man." I took my wife's advice and I make every effort to talk to people. Sometimes it's superficial, but when I say I'm afraid, scared, or sad, I find there are guys who are hurting. They are searching. At that point compassion becomes the simple act of listening. When you remember a conversation when a guy has opened up and you ask him about it, you have taken a huge step in showing that you care. You have to remember or understand that to many of these men, nobody cares. The justice system has let them down. Many have unsupportive families. The staff here for the most part doesn't care (although I did find a counselor in another dorm who did). They are alone. When you show them you care, you can tell them that God cares, but you have to show true compassion first.
There are a few guys here for whom I would like you to pray. I'm only going to talk about one of them. He has been an answer to prayer. I had asked God for a friend. Someone who was like-minded spiritually. God answered with a man named Tim. Tim is a guy who seemed alone. H went to all the church stuff like I did. It took a few weeks but after I learned his name, I felt God urging me to ask him if he wanted to pray once a week. He gladly accepted. We've me twice. I find it a very rewarding experience. We share about out joys and fears about situations we faced during the week and about the messages at church. It's been a great time and one I look frward to each week. I'll share about some of the other guys next time.
Jeff
I am starting to see some of God's purpose in the ordeal. I know that this is a growing period for me. The first part of my learning process actually started long before I was sentenced. I had been praying that if God wanted me to go to prison, I would go. I kept asking God, "what about my family." I am slowly learning to trust the Creator of the universe to take care of my family. I'm slowly learning to simply trust. Trust that God has a purpose for me here and trust that God will take care of my family.
After being here, I have to say I'm also learning humility. While a prison camp has no real safety issues, one of the few ways you can have issues is with pride. If you think you are better than people, you will find problems. Demanding respect is futile. There is a more subtle aspect to humility though. This is probably true even in situations on the "outside." There are situations every day where being humble, being willing to be wrong, being willing to accept someone making fun of you, being willing to be different from the "norm" or the willingness to accept wrongs against you, demonstrates humility. Most people would call this weakness. I'll tell you that I'm surrounded by people who lie, cheat, and take advantage of you, but they notice true humility anyway. Yes, sometimes people will take advantage of that. I've been cheated on buying tennis shoes. But for every time I've been cheated, I've been given things because other people saw my humility and integrity. More than what I get in return is the example I set. Poeple know here if you go to church. Like Christians on the outside, Christians here are under a microscope too (perhaps even more so).
I'm also learning compassion. You know pjeople are hurting here. However, mnay guys cover itup by keeping busy or by just being "a man." I took my wife's advice and I make every effort to talk to people. Sometimes it's superficial, but when I say I'm afraid, scared, or sad, I find there are guys who are hurting. They are searching. At that point compassion becomes the simple act of listening. When you remember a conversation when a guy has opened up and you ask him about it, you have taken a huge step in showing that you care. You have to remember or understand that to many of these men, nobody cares. The justice system has let them down. Many have unsupportive families. The staff here for the most part doesn't care (although I did find a counselor in another dorm who did). They are alone. When you show them you care, you can tell them that God cares, but you have to show true compassion first.
There are a few guys here for whom I would like you to pray. I'm only going to talk about one of them. He has been an answer to prayer. I had asked God for a friend. Someone who was like-minded spiritually. God answered with a man named Tim. Tim is a guy who seemed alone. H went to all the church stuff like I did. It took a few weeks but after I learned his name, I felt God urging me to ask him if he wanted to pray once a week. He gladly accepted. We've me twice. I find it a very rewarding experience. We share about out joys and fears about situations we faced during the week and about the messages at church. It's been a great time and one I look frward to each week. I'll share about some of the other guys next time.
Jeff
Monday, May 28, 2007
Family Visit (#6)
I finally got a letter from Jeff about Jeff's family visiting. It took a little while for Jeff to send me this because of the postal rate change, and the prison did not get enough 41 cent stamps.
Anyway, Jeff's family visited a little over a week ago, on Friday May 18th. Here are Jeff's words about the visit and what is going on.
Laura and the boys visited this past Friday (May 18th). I have to say that Friday night and Saturday after were very difficult days, probably the toughest since my first weekend. The visit went well, though. Connor was a little hesitant for the first half hour, but we started playing together after a while. After 2 1/2 hours, Laura's mom came and picked up the boys while Laura and I talked. When they came back to get Laura a few hours later, Connor ran back into the room to see me. I picked him up and hugged him and told him he had to go with mommy. That just broke my heart. The event was not without a positive outcome. I attend a a prayer meeting on Friday nights. I had never shared a request until that Friday after Laura and the kids left. One of the brothers (as we call each other) came over and hugged me while all of the guys prayed. It was a powerful moment for me. I feel I made a significant step in finding hope and encouragement within the church here, which has been a prayer of mine since before I even arrived.
I've been learning a lot about trusting God. The simple truth is that God has me here for a reason. The pastor at the church here gave a sermon about accepting God's will and embracing the purpose He has for me here. If God has a purpose for me, then I need to trust that He will provide for my family in ways I can't imagine. I know many of us feel that God's purpose for our lives is to provide for our families. You may want to ponder that. What if that isn't God's purpose for you? Would you know? Sometimes we may put people in our lives ahead of God We know that money, success, cars, homes, etc can be idols that we worship. Consider that your family may also be something that you put ahead of God. I know I struggle with this. I'm not saying that you should not love and provide for your family; however, you should always look at priorities. Here is easier, but not easy. I have lots of time on my hands. you would think I would spend a lot of time reading the Bible. Well, it's not true. I struggle to prioritize here. How much more so when you have a family, a job, and all the other things in life that desire your time? One thing I did make a priority because my wife asked me to is to spend time talking and listening to these men here. I will talk more about that in the next blog.
Anyway, Jeff's family visited a little over a week ago, on Friday May 18th. Here are Jeff's words about the visit and what is going on.
Laura and the boys visited this past Friday (May 18th). I have to say that Friday night and Saturday after were very difficult days, probably the toughest since my first weekend. The visit went well, though. Connor was a little hesitant for the first half hour, but we started playing together after a while. After 2 1/2 hours, Laura's mom came and picked up the boys while Laura and I talked. When they came back to get Laura a few hours later, Connor ran back into the room to see me. I picked him up and hugged him and told him he had to go with mommy. That just broke my heart. The event was not without a positive outcome. I attend a a prayer meeting on Friday nights. I had never shared a request until that Friday after Laura and the kids left. One of the brothers (as we call each other) came over and hugged me while all of the guys prayed. It was a powerful moment for me. I feel I made a significant step in finding hope and encouragement within the church here, which has been a prayer of mine since before I even arrived.
I've been learning a lot about trusting God. The simple truth is that God has me here for a reason. The pastor at the church here gave a sermon about accepting God's will and embracing the purpose He has for me here. If God has a purpose for me, then I need to trust that He will provide for my family in ways I can't imagine. I know many of us feel that God's purpose for our lives is to provide for our families. You may want to ponder that. What if that isn't God's purpose for you? Would you know? Sometimes we may put people in our lives ahead of God We know that money, success, cars, homes, etc can be idols that we worship. Consider that your family may also be something that you put ahead of God. I know I struggle with this. I'm not saying that you should not love and provide for your family; however, you should always look at priorities. Here is easier, but not easy. I have lots of time on my hands. you would think I would spend a lot of time reading the Bible. Well, it's not true. I struggle to prioritize here. How much more so when you have a family, a job, and all the other things in life that desire your time? One thing I did make a priority because my wife asked me to is to spend time talking and listening to these men here. I will talk more about that in the next blog.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Life at Camp (#5)
The most common question I find myself writing the answer to is "What is life like there?" I'm "encamped" at a federal prison camp. Taft is a minimum security prison camp. By minimum I mean it. There are probably 550 prisoners (last count as of 5/24/07 was 589 - VCmoney edit) here and from what I can tell, only 6 guards. From what I can tell, the guards spend most of their time standing around. This is not because they are lazy, but what else are they to do?
The inmates live in 4 dorms. The dorms is like a gym with cement cubicles in each dorm. There is no ceiling to each cubicle. In that respect, it's like a big office with rows of cubicles. However, here there it is perfectly acceptable to yell for someone 10 cubicles away.
Some of the cubicles house 3 people and some only 2. The longer one is here, the better the cubicle assignment. I live in a cube with 2 other guys. We have a bunk bed and another bed on a metal cot. I sleep on the top bunk. The bunk bed people have a fairly spacious locker. The other cot has only two drawers. Clearly the lower bunk on the bunk bed is the best. Usually these go to older men with health issues. There is also a small desk in each cube as well as a few posts on the walls to hang towels and jackets.
The dorm also has a large bathroom with 7 urinals and 7 stalls. The stalls are completely closed as you would find in an office restroom. The showers are also stalls. You probably have more privacy here than you do in most fitness clubs. The bathrooms are typically clean, mainly because the inmates clean them 3 times a day. Nonetheless, everyone wears shower sandals when they take a shower.
The dorm also has 3 television rooms and one multipurpose room. The multipurpose room has 3 televisions also. The multipurpose room also has a table where people play games. The other tv rooms are split for hispanics, african-americans, and whites. I have gone into the hispanic room to watch soccer a lot. So, it's not like you are going to get beat up. There is also a quiet room, and I go there to read and write.
Sleeping is a challenge. People are up all night long. The kitchen crew wakes up at 3 am. People stay up and watch movies. So, in order to sleep, you have to get used to noise. The mattresses leave a lot to be desired. It's a foam mattress with a plastic cover. There are a few cloth mattresses, but they are hard to get.
The food is not horrible. They have a 4 week rotating schedule, but breakfast tends to be repetitive. I don't know how to describe the food. It's a lot like food you would have at a retreat or camp. That have some great vanilla cake, and I'm partial to the coffee cake. So far some of the new foods I've eaten are grapefruit, cantaloupe, honeydew, Lima beans, grits, and 3-bean salad. There are a lot of people who cook in the dorms. The commissary offers a lot of food, oddly , no Dr. Pepper and no cereal - although on occasion the will have cereal - like this week I got Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Some people will eat all of their meals in the dorms. This is very expensive, but it is amazing what people can do with a microwave and some hot water. I don't see much difference between the chow hall and the dorm in terms of taste. I think the dorm is different, which around here means a lot. (Jeff does buy some snacks at the commissary, like cookies and sodas at times for variety - VCmoney addition)
What do I do all day? That is the big question most of the time. The recreation yard is pretty good. They have a softball field, a tennis court, a basketball court, a volleyball court, a horseshoe pit, boccie ball, and a small soccer field. Mingled in are some grassy areas with tables and chairs. There are a number of trees on the rec. yard as well. Around all of this is a 1/3 mile track. It's made of compressed dirt and sand, not a real track that you would find at a college. They also have a racquetball/handball court and several stairmaster and stationary bikes. there is actually a lot of opportunity to exercise. You can check out tennis rackets and some other equipment. You have to buy tennis balls and handballs. I spend my time walking and playing soccer. I'm also in an exercise class, which is probably the hardest thing I've done. I still haven't finished a full session.
There is also an indoor recreation area, but I don't go there much. Inside they have 3 pool tables and a Foosball table. you can check out guitars or play on a drum set as well. They also have a woodworking/leather working room. You have to be here 120 days and then you can apply for access to that. The same is true for the "hobby shop." There is no shop, but you can order specialized hobby supplies when you qualify. This might include special paper, paint, yarn, etc. I'm going to sign up for this when I am here long enough to qualify.
If you are a more studious inmate, they have an education department. They do offer some some classes from Taft CC. They aren't great, but the popular classes are excel and word, probably because you get to work on a computer which is foreign to a prisoner (Federal prisons do not allow computers at the camp, and there certainly is no internet access or email - VCmoney addition). Some inmates teach classes such as the exercise class I take. Some classes are yoga, herbology, horticulture, beekeeping, and truck driving. Herbology appears to be popular. You can also take classes from schools who offer correspondence courses, like the ones I hope to take through Ohio U. Some guys here have multiple masters of theology degrees, but that is expensive.
Also in the education department is a library. The library has 2 sections, the legal library and the regular library. I use the regular library frequently. They get the Wall St. Journal, so I read that daily. I read books from there occasionally. I mainly read books from the chapel library. The chapel library is also part of the education dept. It has it's own small library that serves all religions.
The chapel deserves special mention. In the chapel there is a tithe box run by the non-denominational church I attend (inmates are not allowed to give money to other inmates - VCmoney addition) The tithe box contains essential items that any new prisoner would need. The main things are shower shoes, soap holder, and deodorant (all of which a the inmate must purchase). This was the only good thing I found on my first day (I do not recall if I mentioned this in the blog, or an email, but Jeff's money order took about 2 weeks to arrive, so he had no money to buy these sorts of essentials, not a great way to start out in prison - VCmoney addition). I'm thankful for the things the tithe box provide for me. I have since provided pencils, (I couldn't get a pencil for several days), stamps, socks, and toothbrushes. these were things I would have liked on my first day. They are gone already.
I believe I wrote about the church in my first blog contribution. That's another thing to do. I should comment on the "program." You have heard the phrase, "Get with the program." That is true here. Your case manager and counselor track your "programs." They want to know you are involved. It sounds nice, but if you don't get programmed, you get the bad jobs and bad bed assignments. In order for them to determine if you are getting programmed, you sign a sheet every time you attend something. My exercise class is a program. All of the church services are programs, so I'm getting programmed. Quite frankly, this place reminds me of the movie called the Island with Ewan MacGregor and Scarlet Johansen.
I'll end this blog supplement talking about work. There are numerous work assignments. The good and bad of them depends on who you are and what you want to do here. For example, working in the garden is hard, long work, but there is a waiting list because you get to leave the general compound. The guys who have done this say you don't even know you are in prison. On the other hand, you may have to clean the bathrooms. It's messy work, but only an hour a day.
My work assignment is cleaning and watering a portion of the rec. yard. What I actually do is a bit different. I have 2 rose gardens in my area. So, in the morning I weed one rose garden and pick up trash. In the afternoon, I water about 15 trees, pick up trash and weed the rose garden. It takes about 2-3 hours a day. Most people complain about their job assignments. I don't mind my job. It's hot in the afternoon, but I hang out in the shade of the trees. I water and listen to my radio. It's quite pleasant. I also take pride in the rose gardens. They have been neglected, so it's nice to see them looking cared for. Taking pride in your work is almost non-existent here. Basically, people perform to what they get paid, and since most inmates make 12 cents an hour, there isn't much motivation (A prisoner who does a poor job does not get increased time, and a prisoner who does a good job does not get his time reduced. It's not what Americans are used to with incentives and such - VCmoney addition).
Jeff
I just got a letter from Jeff today with another blog update about his visit with Laura. I will add that this weekend. Scott.
The inmates live in 4 dorms. The dorms is like a gym with cement cubicles in each dorm. There is no ceiling to each cubicle. In that respect, it's like a big office with rows of cubicles. However, here there it is perfectly acceptable to yell for someone 10 cubicles away.
Some of the cubicles house 3 people and some only 2. The longer one is here, the better the cubicle assignment. I live in a cube with 2 other guys. We have a bunk bed and another bed on a metal cot. I sleep on the top bunk. The bunk bed people have a fairly spacious locker. The other cot has only two drawers. Clearly the lower bunk on the bunk bed is the best. Usually these go to older men with health issues. There is also a small desk in each cube as well as a few posts on the walls to hang towels and jackets.
The dorm also has a large bathroom with 7 urinals and 7 stalls. The stalls are completely closed as you would find in an office restroom. The showers are also stalls. You probably have more privacy here than you do in most fitness clubs. The bathrooms are typically clean, mainly because the inmates clean them 3 times a day. Nonetheless, everyone wears shower sandals when they take a shower.
The dorm also has 3 television rooms and one multipurpose room. The multipurpose room has 3 televisions also. The multipurpose room also has a table where people play games. The other tv rooms are split for hispanics, african-americans, and whites. I have gone into the hispanic room to watch soccer a lot. So, it's not like you are going to get beat up. There is also a quiet room, and I go there to read and write.
Sleeping is a challenge. People are up all night long. The kitchen crew wakes up at 3 am. People stay up and watch movies. So, in order to sleep, you have to get used to noise. The mattresses leave a lot to be desired. It's a foam mattress with a plastic cover. There are a few cloth mattresses, but they are hard to get.
The food is not horrible. They have a 4 week rotating schedule, but breakfast tends to be repetitive. I don't know how to describe the food. It's a lot like food you would have at a retreat or camp. That have some great vanilla cake, and I'm partial to the coffee cake. So far some of the new foods I've eaten are grapefruit, cantaloupe, honeydew, Lima beans, grits, and 3-bean salad. There are a lot of people who cook in the dorms. The commissary offers a lot of food, oddly , no Dr. Pepper and no cereal - although on occasion the will have cereal - like this week I got Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Some people will eat all of their meals in the dorms. This is very expensive, but it is amazing what people can do with a microwave and some hot water. I don't see much difference between the chow hall and the dorm in terms of taste. I think the dorm is different, which around here means a lot. (Jeff does buy some snacks at the commissary, like cookies and sodas at times for variety - VCmoney addition)
What do I do all day? That is the big question most of the time. The recreation yard is pretty good. They have a softball field, a tennis court, a basketball court, a volleyball court, a horseshoe pit, boccie ball, and a small soccer field. Mingled in are some grassy areas with tables and chairs. There are a number of trees on the rec. yard as well. Around all of this is a 1/3 mile track. It's made of compressed dirt and sand, not a real track that you would find at a college. They also have a racquetball/handball court and several stairmaster and stationary bikes. there is actually a lot of opportunity to exercise. You can check out tennis rackets and some other equipment. You have to buy tennis balls and handballs. I spend my time walking and playing soccer. I'm also in an exercise class, which is probably the hardest thing I've done. I still haven't finished a full session.
There is also an indoor recreation area, but I don't go there much. Inside they have 3 pool tables and a Foosball table. you can check out guitars or play on a drum set as well. They also have a woodworking/leather working room. You have to be here 120 days and then you can apply for access to that. The same is true for the "hobby shop." There is no shop, but you can order specialized hobby supplies when you qualify. This might include special paper, paint, yarn, etc. I'm going to sign up for this when I am here long enough to qualify.
If you are a more studious inmate, they have an education department. They do offer some some classes from Taft CC. They aren't great, but the popular classes are excel and word, probably because you get to work on a computer which is foreign to a prisoner (Federal prisons do not allow computers at the camp, and there certainly is no internet access or email - VCmoney addition). Some inmates teach classes such as the exercise class I take. Some classes are yoga, herbology, horticulture, beekeeping, and truck driving. Herbology appears to be popular. You can also take classes from schools who offer correspondence courses, like the ones I hope to take through Ohio U. Some guys here have multiple masters of theology degrees, but that is expensive.
Also in the education department is a library. The library has 2 sections, the legal library and the regular library. I use the regular library frequently. They get the Wall St. Journal, so I read that daily. I read books from there occasionally. I mainly read books from the chapel library. The chapel library is also part of the education dept. It has it's own small library that serves all religions.
The chapel deserves special mention. In the chapel there is a tithe box run by the non-denominational church I attend (inmates are not allowed to give money to other inmates - VCmoney addition) The tithe box contains essential items that any new prisoner would need. The main things are shower shoes, soap holder, and deodorant (all of which a the inmate must purchase). This was the only good thing I found on my first day (I do not recall if I mentioned this in the blog, or an email, but Jeff's money order took about 2 weeks to arrive, so he had no money to buy these sorts of essentials, not a great way to start out in prison - VCmoney addition). I'm thankful for the things the tithe box provide for me. I have since provided pencils, (I couldn't get a pencil for several days), stamps, socks, and toothbrushes. these were things I would have liked on my first day. They are gone already.
I believe I wrote about the church in my first blog contribution. That's another thing to do. I should comment on the "program." You have heard the phrase, "Get with the program." That is true here. Your case manager and counselor track your "programs." They want to know you are involved. It sounds nice, but if you don't get programmed, you get the bad jobs and bad bed assignments. In order for them to determine if you are getting programmed, you sign a sheet every time you attend something. My exercise class is a program. All of the church services are programs, so I'm getting programmed. Quite frankly, this place reminds me of the movie called the Island with Ewan MacGregor and Scarlet Johansen.
I'll end this blog supplement talking about work. There are numerous work assignments. The good and bad of them depends on who you are and what you want to do here. For example, working in the garden is hard, long work, but there is a waiting list because you get to leave the general compound. The guys who have done this say you don't even know you are in prison. On the other hand, you may have to clean the bathrooms. It's messy work, but only an hour a day.
My work assignment is cleaning and watering a portion of the rec. yard. What I actually do is a bit different. I have 2 rose gardens in my area. So, in the morning I weed one rose garden and pick up trash. In the afternoon, I water about 15 trees, pick up trash and weed the rose garden. It takes about 2-3 hours a day. Most people complain about their job assignments. I don't mind my job. It's hot in the afternoon, but I hang out in the shade of the trees. I water and listen to my radio. It's quite pleasant. I also take pride in the rose gardens. They have been neglected, so it's nice to see them looking cared for. Taking pride in your work is almost non-existent here. Basically, people perform to what they get paid, and since most inmates make 12 cents an hour, there isn't much motivation (A prisoner who does a poor job does not get increased time, and a prisoner who does a good job does not get his time reduced. It's not what Americans are used to with incentives and such - VCmoney addition).
Jeff
I just got a letter from Jeff today with another blog update about his visit with Laura. I will add that this weekend. Scott.
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