It occurred to me that some of you may not know why I'm blogging from Taft Correctional Institution's Camp. The reason began over 4 years ago. I was working for a company managing their cash investments, among other things. At this point in time the interest rates on cash investments were very low (less than 1% on 1 yr treasury bills - VCmoney edit). I thought I had found a way to make a higher return without adding additional risk to our investment portfolio. In order to make this investment I would have to disregard the company's investment policy. Well, that was rather prideful, and I thought I could do better than our brokers and money managers. I also wrongly thought that this was the way the business world worked. I tried to separate my Christian values from work. That was an incorrect deduction. I made the investment knowing that it was unethical and not worthy of Christ. I did not know it was illegal to do what I did, but I can see, looking back, how it was. The investment did not work out the way I had hoped. The investment lost $2 million. This is a huge amount of money to anyone. I was dealing with millions of dollars every day in my job as it was. I probably moved $20 million around every week, but still, $2 million is a lot to lose. Because I had not followed the investment policy, and because I tried to hide the fact that I did not follow the investment policy, I was arrested for wire fraud in early 2004. I fought the case for 3 years. I knew that my intent was not to defraud this company, but my actions did not make it easy to prove that. Anyway in Feb. 2007, I was sentenced to 3 years in a Federal Prison Camp for my actions.
There is a similarity in what I did to our Christian lives. We may have the best of intentions in our hearts. We may want to minister to our friends, help the poor, fight social injustice, give our lives to the Lord, support missions projects, pray for people in the church, etc., etc. However, what we want to do and what we actually do is the difference between living for yourself and thinking you are living for Christ and actually living for Christ. I only know this because I deal with it every day and have been hit in the face with my actions because I did not follow my words with my deeds. You can't profess to be a Christian in a prison without having the actions to support it. What you believe and what you do are inseparable. It's the same outside of prison.
Jeff
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Some Other Prisoners (#8)
Before I get to the blog, I have only received one blog update from Jeff in the past 10 days or so. I have talked to him a couple of times and written a few letters. Here is what Jeff has been talking and writing about. He wants to read comics. He says those are nice, quick reads, and he is able to trade them for other things pretty easily (I guess there is somewhat of a barter economy in the camp). Also, there is a card game based on Star Wars that he would like to have his son, Connor get. I don't know too much about the Star Wars game to try to explain here, but if you want to get Connor a couple of packs, you can find information about it at Wizkidsgames.com.
Also, he is playing on a soccer team in the camp. His team is pretty good, and they call him Beckham (which they mean as a compliment). I think he would prefer to be called Lampard or Gerrard. But how many people outside of England know who they are? Anyway, on to the blog.
I want to share specifically about some of the men I've met here. God has answered one prayer. I had been praying for a friend with whom I could pray and share, find encouragement and just process what is happening. About a month ago, God put on my heart a guy named Tim. He had been going to all of the Christian services like me. He seemed to be a quiet guy. So, one day I asked him if he wanted to get together once a week to pray. he gave an enthusiastic yes. So, we have been praying every Friday. It's been a great time for me. Tim is here because he could not pay his child support, which is ironic because now he really can't. However, Tim has a great attitude and views his "encampment" as a blessing. He has learned so much about God. I had the privilege of giving him an NIV Bible. He was thrilled. He wanted me to sign it in the front part where it says "presented by" etc. It was an honor and humbling at the same time. An honor in that I was able to give him something that gave him so much excitement, but humbling in that I have so many NIV Bibles at my house that I consider them to be clutter. There are people who want bibles. In fact, I could use another 2 or 3 to give away.
That leads me to another guy I met. My loving wife told me before I came to Taft that she wanted me to spend time talking with these men, getting to know them, and sharing my life in Christ with them. One night about one and half months ago, a friend of my cube mate's was sitting in our cube. I started talking to him even though I was in the middle of a letter. He shared a lot about his life, a life of drugs it turns out. He has 2 kids an is divorced, but is engaged to be married in July (he's only here for 2 more months). I shared about my family and how I felt there was a purpose for me here. In the middle of our discussion I realized that I was late for church. I said I had to go to church. He asked if he could come. He's been coming ever since. I would really like to give him an NIV Bible and the purpose driven life book. you don't have to buy these for me, but if you have them around in paperback, you can send them to me, they will go to good use. I would also like to ask for prayer for him. His name is Ron.
There are two other men, Steve and Ken, that I would like prayer for. They cam in about the same time I did. They didn't go to church until about a month ago. Since that time I've tried to talk to them. Both of them are going to attend a bible study with me on Thursdays. It's kind of a discussion oriented bible study. I think it will be good for them to be able to ask questions and hear feedback from other men who are also going along the spiritual journey. Ken also wants an NIV Bible. I think Steve may want one at some point as well. (By the way, they give us New King James versions here for free, but new or non-believers find them difficult to read).
Those are some of the men I've met. Please continue to pray that every day I would reflect who Christ is in action and word here.
Jeff
Also, he is playing on a soccer team in the camp. His team is pretty good, and they call him Beckham (which they mean as a compliment). I think he would prefer to be called Lampard or Gerrard. But how many people outside of England know who they are? Anyway, on to the blog.
I want to share specifically about some of the men I've met here. God has answered one prayer. I had been praying for a friend with whom I could pray and share, find encouragement and just process what is happening. About a month ago, God put on my heart a guy named Tim. He had been going to all of the Christian services like me. He seemed to be a quiet guy. So, one day I asked him if he wanted to get together once a week to pray. he gave an enthusiastic yes. So, we have been praying every Friday. It's been a great time for me. Tim is here because he could not pay his child support, which is ironic because now he really can't. However, Tim has a great attitude and views his "encampment" as a blessing. He has learned so much about God. I had the privilege of giving him an NIV Bible. He was thrilled. He wanted me to sign it in the front part where it says "presented by" etc. It was an honor and humbling at the same time. An honor in that I was able to give him something that gave him so much excitement, but humbling in that I have so many NIV Bibles at my house that I consider them to be clutter. There are people who want bibles. In fact, I could use another 2 or 3 to give away.
That leads me to another guy I met. My loving wife told me before I came to Taft that she wanted me to spend time talking with these men, getting to know them, and sharing my life in Christ with them. One night about one and half months ago, a friend of my cube mate's was sitting in our cube. I started talking to him even though I was in the middle of a letter. He shared a lot about his life, a life of drugs it turns out. He has 2 kids an is divorced, but is engaged to be married in July (he's only here for 2 more months). I shared about my family and how I felt there was a purpose for me here. In the middle of our discussion I realized that I was late for church. I said I had to go to church. He asked if he could come. He's been coming ever since. I would really like to give him an NIV Bible and the purpose driven life book. you don't have to buy these for me, but if you have them around in paperback, you can send them to me, they will go to good use. I would also like to ask for prayer for him. His name is Ron.
There are two other men, Steve and Ken, that I would like prayer for. They cam in about the same time I did. They didn't go to church until about a month ago. Since that time I've tried to talk to them. Both of them are going to attend a bible study with me on Thursdays. It's kind of a discussion oriented bible study. I think it will be good for them to be able to ask questions and hear feedback from other men who are also going along the spiritual journey. Ken also wants an NIV Bible. I think Steve may want one at some point as well. (By the way, they give us New King James versions here for free, but new or non-believers find them difficult to read).
Those are some of the men I've met. Please continue to pray that every day I would reflect who Christ is in action and word here.
Jeff
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Humility & Trust (#7)
Before I get to Jeff's latest blog entry, I wanted to share my recent phone conversation with Jeff's wife, Laura. I asked her what I could be praying about for her. She said she just needs help. So, I would ask that anyone who lives near Laura to help her by watching her kids for an hour or two so that Laura can get groceries or run errands or just go have some alone time. I think that would be very rewarding for her. Now onto the blog.
I am starting to see some of God's purpose in the ordeal. I know that this is a growing period for me. The first part of my learning process actually started long before I was sentenced. I had been praying that if God wanted me to go to prison, I would go. I kept asking God, "what about my family." I am slowly learning to trust the Creator of the universe to take care of my family. I'm slowly learning to simply trust. Trust that God has a purpose for me here and trust that God will take care of my family.
After being here, I have to say I'm also learning humility. While a prison camp has no real safety issues, one of the few ways you can have issues is with pride. If you think you are better than people, you will find problems. Demanding respect is futile. There is a more subtle aspect to humility though. This is probably true even in situations on the "outside." There are situations every day where being humble, being willing to be wrong, being willing to accept someone making fun of you, being willing to be different from the "norm" or the willingness to accept wrongs against you, demonstrates humility. Most people would call this weakness. I'll tell you that I'm surrounded by people who lie, cheat, and take advantage of you, but they notice true humility anyway. Yes, sometimes people will take advantage of that. I've been cheated on buying tennis shoes. But for every time I've been cheated, I've been given things because other people saw my humility and integrity. More than what I get in return is the example I set. Poeple know here if you go to church. Like Christians on the outside, Christians here are under a microscope too (perhaps even more so).
I'm also learning compassion. You know pjeople are hurting here. However, mnay guys cover itup by keeping busy or by just being "a man." I took my wife's advice and I make every effort to talk to people. Sometimes it's superficial, but when I say I'm afraid, scared, or sad, I find there are guys who are hurting. They are searching. At that point compassion becomes the simple act of listening. When you remember a conversation when a guy has opened up and you ask him about it, you have taken a huge step in showing that you care. You have to remember or understand that to many of these men, nobody cares. The justice system has let them down. Many have unsupportive families. The staff here for the most part doesn't care (although I did find a counselor in another dorm who did). They are alone. When you show them you care, you can tell them that God cares, but you have to show true compassion first.
There are a few guys here for whom I would like you to pray. I'm only going to talk about one of them. He has been an answer to prayer. I had asked God for a friend. Someone who was like-minded spiritually. God answered with a man named Tim. Tim is a guy who seemed alone. H went to all the church stuff like I did. It took a few weeks but after I learned his name, I felt God urging me to ask him if he wanted to pray once a week. He gladly accepted. We've me twice. I find it a very rewarding experience. We share about out joys and fears about situations we faced during the week and about the messages at church. It's been a great time and one I look frward to each week. I'll share about some of the other guys next time.
Jeff
I am starting to see some of God's purpose in the ordeal. I know that this is a growing period for me. The first part of my learning process actually started long before I was sentenced. I had been praying that if God wanted me to go to prison, I would go. I kept asking God, "what about my family." I am slowly learning to trust the Creator of the universe to take care of my family. I'm slowly learning to simply trust. Trust that God has a purpose for me here and trust that God will take care of my family.
After being here, I have to say I'm also learning humility. While a prison camp has no real safety issues, one of the few ways you can have issues is with pride. If you think you are better than people, you will find problems. Demanding respect is futile. There is a more subtle aspect to humility though. This is probably true even in situations on the "outside." There are situations every day where being humble, being willing to be wrong, being willing to accept someone making fun of you, being willing to be different from the "norm" or the willingness to accept wrongs against you, demonstrates humility. Most people would call this weakness. I'll tell you that I'm surrounded by people who lie, cheat, and take advantage of you, but they notice true humility anyway. Yes, sometimes people will take advantage of that. I've been cheated on buying tennis shoes. But for every time I've been cheated, I've been given things because other people saw my humility and integrity. More than what I get in return is the example I set. Poeple know here if you go to church. Like Christians on the outside, Christians here are under a microscope too (perhaps even more so).
I'm also learning compassion. You know pjeople are hurting here. However, mnay guys cover itup by keeping busy or by just being "a man." I took my wife's advice and I make every effort to talk to people. Sometimes it's superficial, but when I say I'm afraid, scared, or sad, I find there are guys who are hurting. They are searching. At that point compassion becomes the simple act of listening. When you remember a conversation when a guy has opened up and you ask him about it, you have taken a huge step in showing that you care. You have to remember or understand that to many of these men, nobody cares. The justice system has let them down. Many have unsupportive families. The staff here for the most part doesn't care (although I did find a counselor in another dorm who did). They are alone. When you show them you care, you can tell them that God cares, but you have to show true compassion first.
There are a few guys here for whom I would like you to pray. I'm only going to talk about one of them. He has been an answer to prayer. I had asked God for a friend. Someone who was like-minded spiritually. God answered with a man named Tim. Tim is a guy who seemed alone. H went to all the church stuff like I did. It took a few weeks but after I learned his name, I felt God urging me to ask him if he wanted to pray once a week. He gladly accepted. We've me twice. I find it a very rewarding experience. We share about out joys and fears about situations we faced during the week and about the messages at church. It's been a great time and one I look frward to each week. I'll share about some of the other guys next time.
Jeff
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