Quarterly Update (#39)

This is about a month old now. I'm a bit behind on the updates- Scott.

This past Sunday (April 13th) marked my 1-year anniversary in prison. I had strange feelings as I approached my anniversary. Until now, everything was still new. I had not spent an Easter in prison until this past March. What would that be like? What would the weather be like in March (the winter wasn’t too bad). When will the trees turn green again? These questions seem mundane, but in a place where very little changes from day to day, change, in any form, helps one cope. As I started to see things that were the same from last year after I had just arrived, that sense of change and newness left. I could no longer say, “tomorrow will bring something new.” I know look at the calendar and say, “I know what April will look like.” This kind of made me depressed, because the newness of things helps the time pass. The mundane unchanging elements make the stay here feel as though time is slowing or stopped. As much as the routine gets you through the day (if you keep busy), it’s the little changes that keep you sane. It reminds me of that saying about how change is the spice of life. Every so often you need change to keep things interesting.

The other thing that I noticed as I approached my anniversary is that everyone pointed out that I had been here for 1 year. Probably the one thing every inmate does is track how much time they have served and how much time they have left. I’ve calculated the number of weeks I have left, the exact date that represents my halfway point, and just about every possible milestone you can imagine regarding my stay in Taft.

I’ve been fortunate that I’ve had some small changes since my last quarterly update. I’ve had some big changes too, although you don’t always want that. My last quarterly update – based on my 9 months here, was January 13. Since then, one of the biggest changes that has been both sweet and sour was my dad’s arrival to the Taft Camp. I’m happy that there is a friendly face, but it’s never fun to see a family member go through what I’ve been through or taken away from family and friends. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. My dad had one of the more difficult 3-4 weeks after arrival of anyone I know here. A few days after he got here, his brother (my uncle) passed away suddenly. My uncle was sick and in the hospital before my dad arrived, and my dad was able to visit before he reported to Taft, but no one, not even the doctors, thought his illness was life threatening. That was pretty hard on my dad. It left his mom without any help. I was really sad for my dad, because the first month or so, prison is a hard enough adjustment, but my dad had the weight of his mom and her care on his mind, not to mention the grieving of his brother to deal with. I was able to get my dad moved into my dorm. That was good. In that same week, we had a shakedown. A shakedown is when the guards come through the dorms looking for contraband. In this instance, they were looking for people with extra blankets, pillows, cardboard, etc. in their lockers. It was not a very serious shakedown, but it was my first experience with (and this after almost 9 months) that and I know my dad was nervous. In your first week, everything seems crazy, and a shakedown just adds to the stress.

I have been able to help my dad get adjusted. I’ve tried to spend some time with him walking, but because of my job, I’m away from the camp most of the day. We do eat breakfast and lunch together on the weekend and I do manage to spend some time with him every day mainly to catch up on things.

I’m still working on the “out crew.” Working with inmates poses some interesting challenges (of which I will write soon), but I enjoy the work. I find that it prepares me mentally to be back in the workplace. Oddly, you adjust to working a couple of hours a day. When you go back to a regular 8 hour job schedule, it’s a shock. On the out crew I work about six hours a day. So, not only does it help pass the time, but I am getting used to working a normal work day schedule. I work on the out crew 5 days a week, so it makes the weekends feel like weekends. I think that is one of the things I enjoy most, that the weeks are separated by work and then rest. That didn’t happen in here with my previous job.

There was a small change to the out crew schedule that I really enjoyed. One day we went to the mountains to clean a camp that the church runs. The change of scenery was uplifting. We actually saw and walked in snow. We were surrounded by pine trees. This is a drastic change from the Taft landscape and welcome one in my opinion. I hope that I will get to go the camp again before my next update.

Another small change that is helping me stay sane is my recent move to another cubicle and a new bunkie. I’m pleased to announce that I have a window in my new cubicle. My window faces East and I have already enjoyed numerous sunrises. I write most of my letters by the sunrise light. The window also faces a grove a trees that the Native Americans at the camp use as their meeting place. Most of the time the grove of trees is devoid of inmates, so I get to enjoy a somewhat more scenic view than the arid dirt that makes up Taft.

I’ve started and almost completed another soccer season. I’m not enjoying my soccer as much as I did before. I find that people are extremely critical, and I get too competitive. Not to mention that I’m older than most of the guys, and my body can’t take the beating like it could when I was 20 or 25. It’s not a positive or enjoyable environment when you are injured all the time and other players can’t understand why you are not playing. I do like the exercise and the game, but the chronic injuries are not worth the trouble right now. Before I play in another league, I plan on taking a break and allowing my body to recover from the myriad of injuries.

I have also had a couple of opportunities to speak in church. I had wanted to do this when I first arrived, but I don’t feel that way now. I think that we have many people here with gifts for teaching, and I’m not one of them. Being on the out crew does not afford me the time to prepare the talks as well as I would like. That makes me anxious and I think the men deserve and can get better. At this point, I doubt I will pursue opportunities to speak. Maybe when I get out I will look into that, but at this point, I don’t feel like that is what God wants me to do.

Please pray for my relationship with my dad. I want to develop a stronger friendship with him. That’s my priority right now.

Thanks for all of your letters, prayer, and support. I’m doing fairly well all things considered. I hpe that by the next update I can write to you about a furlough. But maybe not until the Fall.

Jeff